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My Hopeless Dream

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The naïveté was the foundation of my undoing, but at the same time, the way I was ripped apart cleared the path for the drastic changes of my persona. A lyric from “Almost Lover” by A Fine Frenzy: “I’d never want to see you unhappy; I thought you’d want the same for me.” This lyric clearly depicts the unspoken mantra I shared with my former love: I did all I could to see the rare smile that reflected a moment of happiness. Seeing this person unhappy cut into me, a sign of our shared sentiments; after a time, I’d fallen in love, finding that mutual affection. The moment of perfection, of reciprocated love, was just that–for a moment.

What really exasperated me was that I put my heart, soul, mind, and body into loving him only to find that he had a girlfriend. I was led on through kind words, told that I was loved, and I believed him. I truly trusted that everything between the two us was perfect until I uncovered that up until that point, all he had said was a lie, one that tore my ingenuous soul to shreds.

I thought I’d found someone who actually needed me in his life. After leaving an impression on me that was practically a plea for help, I felt compelled to take this person under my wing and bring him above the layers of depression he piled upon himself. I did it because I cared, because I couldn’t stand by while someone in so many pieces, someone who beat himself up over every little thing, continued to stock up on negativity. The next thing I knew, I was severing all ties and saying goodbye. The aforementioned song illustrates just this: “Goodbye, my almost lover; goodbye, my hopeless dream.” What I believed to be unconditional was the complete opposite for I had put so much into a hopeless dream, one I grudgingly admitted would never come true.

Nonetheless, I took a lesson from this, one that Sarah Cohen illustrates well: “Don’t take love, or your loved one, for granted.” I was candid enough to see an open plain stretched out in front of us; after it ended, though, I felt as if I had to struggle to reminisce so that the memories would stay with me, as if I had to strain to see even a sliver of that once open plain. I was cheated and made a fool of, but I cherish these memories because, at one time, I knew nothing else. Though I’ve discarded my feelings for this person, he helped me to be myself and assisted me in finding a confidence I never knew I possessed. I will never take this person for granted again when he carved me, a masterpiece, out of an old willow. This, I believe. I will never dwell on something that can be viewed from its brighter side. This, I believe.





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