True Love is a Sacred Flame

March 23, 2009
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“It couldn’t get better than this,” I say to myself. With my boyfriend in the driver’s seat. “Thomas,” I said briskly.
“Do you remember when we first met?”
“Yea, it was awesome huh? I can still remember what you were wearing!” “Thomas,” I ask.
“Yea Hun,” Thomas replies annoyed by the sound of his name.
“Never mind.”

Well it is October 16, 2006 and we are still fighting and I try so hard to make him happy but, he is so stubborn. As I set down my journal I stand in front of my mirror. Only to see a tall, brunette with nothing erotic about me! I own pants that are too tight, my boobs are too big, and I hate my hair but, Thomas seems to really love me. I feel so blessed to have a man like him in my life.
Tomorrow will be our three years anniversary, and I am so anxious to see what we’re going to do. Ring! Ring! Ring! The noise cuts into my thoughts!
“Hey baby, I say very sweetly.
“Hey” is all I hear from an angry voice on the other line.
“How was your day?”
“I have something to tell you, don’t yell, or get angry. I had lunch with Sasha today,” Thomas replied.
“Who is Sasha?” I ask very calmly.
“She is that girl I told you I dated for two years.,” he said.
As I sit on the other line very silent and very still; I think to myself. “Why is he telling me this? What is going on that I don’t know about? Why is he acting so funny?”
“Jasmine,” I hear from the phone.
“Why are you telling me this?” I say, not really wanting to hear an answer. “Because she wants to meet you,” he says very swiftly.
“Why do you want me to meet your ex?”
“She is a good friend now and she wants to meet you!”
“But, why?”
“Can you just do this for me?”
“Ok, fine, whatever, when?” I say with a very cross attitude.
“Tomorrow”
“Ok, bye.”
“Bye,” I say as I slam down the receiver. I turn out the lights with just a small glow from my alarm clock remaining. And as I slowly drift away, I start to cry knowing that he set up another date on our day! The dim glow from the clock fades and before I realize it, I’m fast asleep.

I wake with Sasha on my mind. I brush my hair I am wondering what hers looks like. As I brush my teeth, I wondering if she has a pretty smile, and as I step back and look at what I’ve created myself into with all that I’ve done to my hair and all that I’ve done with my make-up. I still can’t stop myself from wondering if she is prettier than me!
I sit across the table where we always sit at in Waffle House. I am straight across from Sasha trying not to stare with rage for what she has caused. Pleased that she is not a very pretty girl at all. She is a plump, short woman with short, frizzy, bleach blonde roots, with brown hair, and a pig-like nose. Holding Thomas’ hand he tells me the real reason sasha wanted to meet me. Pushing him to the floor beside the booth calling him every name I can think of, and picturing myself briskly slamming the cup that our waitress had brought me into the side of Sasha’s head. I collect myself and head towards the door when I hear the most outrageous words that have ever left Thomas’ mouth.
“ I’m really sorry; I will always love you.”
All I can respond is, “ Ha you call this love?”
It’s a six-mile walk from the restaurant to my house and I have just enough anger, and steam built up to last me twenty miles. As I cross a street that I recognize, it’s where Thomas and I had our first kiss I stop to reminisce about he has just thrown down the drain. Trying to control my emotions, I begin to sob, wiping the tears off my cheeks with my hands. I can’t quite control my self-pity crying. The more I think about what just happened my tears turn from sad to angry.
“How could he?
Why did he?
I can’t believe it, pregnant?” I say out loud as if someone were actually there. I stand to my feet and dust my self off, and I continue in my direction with my head held high.
Throwing myself onto my satin gold bedspread, I’m thinking of all the years, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, seconds I’ve wasted on Thomas. Then I vow to never like anyone else of the opposite sex ever again.
I was doing a marvelous job too for about six months. Then one afternoon my cousin walks in with his new girlfriend, and she has her second to oldest son with her, she introduced him as Deke James but he likes to be called D.J. He was so gorgeous, and I couldn’t stop my self from looking at him. His smile drove me crazy and I knew at that moment that I was going to break my vow.
It has been seven months and three weeks since Thomas and I broke up. I have been ok these last few months. D.J has been coming over and making me smile when no one else has been able to. It is June 1, 2007, and D.J is so sweet. He knows all the right things to say.
I set my journal down and walk towards the bathroom when I hear someone yell, which scares me and I can’t see because no lights are on and I run straight into the bathroom door. I know right away it was D.J cause I could hear him trying not to laugh.
I start yelling at him, “ You’re so mean I can’t believe you think this is funny.” I sit there so embarrassed being very thankful it’s dark, so he can’t see how red my face is, and I’m waiting to hear an apology. All I hear is laughing. It has been almost five minutes, and he is still laughing. I leave him there, and I walk down the stairs to the kitchen. Not even four seconds later he is next to me with a very serious face trying to apologize.
“I’m really sorry Jasmine, I just wanted to care you a little bit. I didn’t know you’d run into the door.” Hearing him say this I have to control myself from giggling.
“ That was really mean.” I say with a half grin. He wraps his arms around me, and I’m not able to say a word. I forget everything I’ve ever had hurt me, and everything I’ve done that I regret. This is the first time in almost eight months I haven’t had Thomas run through my head. I feel so calm and safe enclosed in his arms, I finally feel as if I’m somewhere that I truly belong.
All of that happened about two years ago. Since then, Thomas joined the marines, and ended up trying to avoid Sasha so he doesn’t have to pay child support, but, she found him and now he has to pay double. Sasha ended up moving back in with her mom and dad, and she had the baby and I heard it was a girl. That’s all I know about those two. Now about D.J and me we have been together for almost three years and doing just wonderfully. D.J also propose to me on our three year anniversary, without any hesitations I said, “Yes, with all my heart!” I have never been more sure of anything so much in my entire life.
I feel like I’m in a déjà vu moment as I set down my journal. Not to give up writing but to begin a new story, with my fiancé, Deke James.





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