Its questions that I have answered and put in a form of a poem.Chapter 1: what I am
I´m just a girl that has anxiety and Depression. Having both of those is like hell, I am a living hell. I don't want to live like this anymore and it's hard for me at school. As soon as i walk through the schools doors, my skin is already burning. Demons are everywhere i go around the school, Normal people call them students. But not me they are demons, they make me do things i don't want to. When I walk around the halls of the school I can feel their words pierce into my skin when I walk by. Even if I have my headphones in doesn´t mean I can feel the pain from their words.
Their words make me bleed from the inside out. I take an anxiety pill so I don´t panic. I wish I had a pill for my depression, but I don’t want to be one of those people that are addicted to meds like pain killers. I hate being someone that i’m not, I hate saying that I am ok because it is clear that i’m not. But i’m hiding behind the fakest smile ever.
I feel bad for my best friend because I feel like she has to put up with my bullshit. I don't really want to tell her things, but it's not that I don't trust her or anything. It´s just that I don´t want her feeling like s*** because of my thoughts. She is one of the most beautiful people I have ever met, she is a kind hearted person. Her personality brings light to people, but all I do is bring darkness to her and everyone around me.
I hate that I'm living a like this, it´s killing me every second, every word, every breath. I hate the feeling when I don´t feel anything, I hate that I can't even explain what I feel. It´s just emptiness, darkness in my soul. The thoughts in my head will never leave, It will stick to my soul like glue. I feel numb and stiff, I feel worthless. If i cured my anxiety and depression, the thoughts in my head will always be with me no matter what. It will still cruise through my mind over and over again.
I just can't take it anyway. I'm sorry for being like this, I'm sorry that I always have fresh regrets all the time. I'm sorry that I am just a waste of your time. I'm sorry that I have fresh cuts on my legs, wrist, and waist. I'm sorry for just being a waste of space. I'm sorry for making you feel like s***. I'm sorry for annoying you because of my presents. I'm sorry that I always ruin everything happy that you say and make it sad. I'm sorry for living like this.
I'm sorry for being me.