A Misconception Of Life This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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   The days are long and seem never-ending. They're also very tiresome. Some days make you feel desolate and abandoned, especially when the weekend comes. The only thing on your mind is how you are going to manage, and there doesn't seem to be an answer. Being at the receiving end of everyone's comments, opinions, insults and lectures is an everyday occurrence which makes you want to crawl under a rock.

I don't really do much now. I'm always very, very tired. It's not only the fatigue, but the constant feeling of nausea. It's very hard to keep from getting sick, whether it is night, day, or any time in-between. It is not just morning sickness for me; it is constant sickness. I usually try to eat a little at a time, so I don't get as sick as often, but it usually doesn't help very much. I'm in school during the day and then go home where I do homework and sometimes, if I feel all right, visit friends. Due to my circumstances, I had to quit my job. The company had very strict rules and regulations concerning restroom privileges. I couldn't wait three or four hours until I had a break to use the restroom.

Being only sixteen is also a very big issue. School should be my number one priority, but soon it will not be. Sometimes when I've been up sick all night, it is very hard to get up early and go to school. I'm always tired, especially in the morning and I don't feel like I have enough energy to crawl out of bed. Sometimes I just want to stay in bed, hoping that the wave of nausea will subside if I rest. It's no fun trying to find something to wear when you feel like you just used the last bit of strength to get out of bed. My wardrobe now consists of things I can no longer wear, no more tight jeans and short minis. The teachers do their best to understand, but I know they have a job to do. For their job to be a success, I can't be excessively absent and not able to pay attention. I won't have to miss a lot of school, only about a month. I should be able to get the days waived, but I still may not be permitted to pass the eleventh grade, which means that next year I may not graduate.

College is also an issue. I have to decide if I'm going to put it off for a while, or go to a local college. Lots of people think that I have wasted my years of education.

My mother is very supportive. She went through the same experience when she was my age. She isn't very happy, but she is sticking by me. My dad doesn't know yet, but soon everyone will know, because there are some things that can't be hidden forever.

My boyfriend is also very supportive. He's had trouble finding a job, not only because they are scarce, but because he quit school. He plans on staying with me, which I am very thankful for, because some guys take off when things like this happen. He comforts me when I feel sick or I'm upset and feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. He goes to the doctor's office with me whenever I have an appointment, although he may not enjoy it.

I'm really scared about how I am going to manage a baby at my age. I know it is going to be very hard, but I think I can do it. I know about my options, but I don't think I could live with either abortion or adoption. There are many programs set up for teenage mothers and I'm hoping to become active in these.

Hopefully everything will work out. It isn't as if this was planned, so every day I pray that everything will fall into place.

For those of you who are thinking about adult relationships, you should be sure that you are ready to risk the chance of becoming parents. It can happen to anyone, believe me. Don't be pressured into sex, but if you do decide to participate, make sure that you are always protected, whether it be from an unwanted pregnancy or a deadly disease. n


This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.






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