The Truth

March 19, 2009
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I need to make them see.
I need to make them all see.
That I am no fool. I do not fall for small bribes or cheap words. I know what I deserve, and I demand that I get it
I'll accept nothing less.
I refuse to become your plaything, for your simplistic, materialistic needs. I am much more than I appear to be.
Shy? Maybe.
A push-over? Never.
I stand up for what I believe in, because if I don't, nobody else will.

One fine day in the middle of last year, everything decided to change' Rather than being completely shy (almost to an obnoxious extent) the only way I decided I could fix everything in my life was to finally open up to people. The simple talking led to flirting, you all know how that goes.

After a long, ridiculous amount of time that I spent as the queen of 'Woe is me', things finally seemed to turn around for me. Met a boy. I really liked the boy. I supposed (at the time) that they boy felt the same. So then after that we were a couple. One of those silly, foolish, impromptu get together types' But I was happy. Or so I thought.

About a month into our so called 'relationship', I find out about someone who I thought was a good friend had been fooling around with my boy. It is probably obvious what happened from there, but this is where the real story begins'

What I'm really talking about here is facing the cold, hard truth. It's definitely not easy to face something that makes you so irrationally upset, especially when it used to make you so happy. When you experience things like this, your natural reaction is to hide. From everything, them, yourself, and especially your feelings. At a time when you are at your most vulnerable, you hate to feel so open, broken, and out there.

However, with most things, we learn to live. We move on and try to find something that will fill that empty hole that seems to be sitting in our chests. So I found someone new. For a while there, it was like nothing wrong had ever happened. I felt like a whole person once again' That is, until I found out his true intentions with me.

I thought I could trust him, but apparently not. I lay down the law because yes, I care about myself and what you want to do to me. We had been together for a month, but in my honest opinion, I wasn't going to give myself away like that. I have self respect and dignity, and quite frankly, I can't let you have the satisfaction of knowing that you got to me so easily. It's not supposed to be easy.

Go ahead; handle my rejection of your motions by just bluntly never speaking to me ever again. Because that is the mature way to handle it, I'm sure. It sure feels great, being mistaken by you as a service for your needs, because that's not who I am at all. I pity the next girl to fall for your false care, really. She deserves better than you, just as I did. I was just too blind to see it.

This is what life is all about, right? Make the same mistakes over and over again until hopefully, sometime or another you'll finally get things right. I don't want to make this mistake again, no. However, I don't see anything wrong in making mistakes if it's just going to make me a stronger person in the end. Through everything that goes wrong, we learn from it, and we deal. It is all a part of growing up and learning to find ourselves. I have no regrets.
Because I'm not some quarter pony-ride.
I am hopeful.
I am strong-willed.
I am capable.
Whether you choose to believe in me or not.

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