'It hurts so bad, it just hurts so.. bad', she whimpered. 'What hurts so much my child', asked the other? ' I-I'm so sad but I cant stop the pain, just- just take it away', she began to sob uncontrollably. ' I don't deserve this I didn't do anything I just want to be me again, where is she'. You might not know what I'm really getting at, but I'll tell you it was really hard writing that first sentence. One thing I can get you to understand is that people give up, get confused, or don't know how to deal. Life's full of many surprises and expectations one just can't handle alone. Lets call her 'She'. She got deep within herself three years ago. She felt that all good things come to an end and that's what exactly happened. 'You'll never go back', someone said. 'YOU'LL NEVER GO BACK'. She never forgot those words till this day. Her life was once a dream girls couldn't even imagine. Everything all figured out till the end, She thought nothing could ruin it or maybe she just didn't expect it. Pain was on its way and it was going to show She how to feel. She began to feel as if she got lost in the woods on her way home and began to realize there wasn't anymore confront zone, everything faded away. She walked the halls of an unfamiliar place, not seeing a familiar face. Things got tough. She became lost inside her mind, lost from the outside world. She would see others in glee, while feeling a cloud of distress hovering over her. When she arrived to her new place, she sat in that room. Ooohh how cold. Her spine began to tingle, when her body froze. 'The chills, the chills it hurts'. 'Why do I think about why I hurt then feel more hurt', She questioned. The tears ruined her face as She stared out the window, quite as kept. She ran her fingers across the wall, begging to be saved, from the fear she felt. Its was traumatic seeing this really you had to see her face. I tear when I tell you this she was so so so sad, I just wanted to reach out and hold her by the face and tell her just wait and see, love isn't gone, that someone will know your pain, someone will know you hurt, you aren't' alone. She finally stopped and cleaned herself up in the mirror, not really giving much thought of what just happened. As the days, weeks, and months went by, she became remote. Isolating herself from exstinence, She lost the ability to speak without getting tongue tied or lose of words. She spent so much time after that incident, speaking in thoughts. This girl really had a mind of her own, I mean it was really something of her own no one knew. It gave She the impression that no one cared to notice that her quietness was a cry for savior. She would give that look, that look that read give me a chance to just a minute to explain that it feels like im going down, that I just want you to know so you remember me, just don't forget me. Please. Her politeness was only her excuse to block the fear of a remark that she couldn't handle, that it might just bring her down. She was caution, oh so caution. I tell you no one noticed. I have to tell you maybe no one really did care for her anymore. ' They forgot me!.. this isn't how I remember me' then how come they see this reaction as me'this face doesn't remind me of me'this isn't so suppose to be' give me, please'. This girl, sent me for a ride. Between the point of not trying to feel because it got worse to the atmosphere she set herself up in. She didn't know how to say it was going to be alright. When She actually tried to say, She stuttered. She said tried again and it happened again, literally.. I was there witnessing it. All she wanted was the was to be notice again, people didn't see or maybe they didn't want to recognize the truth. I'm mad as hell it got worse and worse and worse and worse. You might think well maybe she should of told someone. Well maybe her mouth was wide shut. The signs were all there. For once in her life she was an open book, awaiting that maybe someone might want to read it. In a nut shell her thing was no one gave a damn anymore, she was all alone left in a world she created in her mind that almost killed her. Understand thee, just look at me' ask me if I'm okay. I don't know how to tell you if you don't understand my expressions. You don't look at me like I have a problem.. but I do.. I really do. I need you, I need someone to hold me because I'm cold.. My blood just ran cold.
March 14, 2009