By reading this article, I want all of you to know that you are beautiful and NEVER be ashamed of who you are. There are many people who love and care for you, and never lose yourself in the midst of hurt and pain. It will get better. I promise you.
This is my coming out story.
Hi everyone, I am 18 years old, and am from the United States. I am a senior in high school, and have finally figured out who I am. When I was 14, I noticed that I started looking at girls as well as guys. I always thought to myself that I couldn't be bisexual or lesbian because I was straight, I was straight, I was straight... I shoved this thought of possibly being bisexual off until I was 15. That is when the thought really started taking me over that I could possibly not be straight. I was looking at girls just as much as I was looking at guys. I kept denying it, shoving it down, even though my mind was constantly on the thought of possibly being bisexual. At 17 years old, two years after I shoved the thought back down and only having boyfriends, I finally realized that I needed to face my sexuality. I finally said the words "I am bisexual," to myself in the mirror, and it made me feel so much better. It was like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders and I was finally able to breathe. I knew I was bisexual, but I had to keep it a secret from my friends and family. Up here, they are extremely religious, and I knew if I came out that I would be kicked out of my home, or I assumed. My mom is 100% liberal, but my dad is 100% conservative. The thought of me being bisexual and coming out to my father made me sick. On October 3rd, 2016, I decided not to hide who I was anymore. By this point, all of my friends knew I was bisexual, and I had nothing to hide anymore. I texted my mom during school that morning, and came out to her. The first reaction she had was "You don't like girls. You're straight." I told her, "No mom, I'm bisexual. I have known since I was 14 years old." She finally stopped with the charade that I was straight, and asked if I had told my sister. All my sister said was "Lol cool. Mom knows I'm straight. But I knew you weren't." My mom then proceeded to tell the rest of my family, including my father. When I got home that night, I tried talking to my dad but he wouldn't look at me, talk to me, or even say hi to me when I walked through the door. My mom tried to get my dad to speak, but he wouldn't even turn around. I went in my bedroom and cried my eyes out. It made me feel like I had failed them. My mom completely supports me 100% today, but my dad still says I am only claiming to be bisexual for attention. He wanted to kick me out of the house and not support me financially anymore when he found out, but my mom did not allow him to. She was the only thing tying me to my household. My dad's side of the family does not know to this day, but my mom's side does. They fully accept me. My dad's side does not know because if they found out, I would be "kicked out" of the family.
Just this month, I also found myself to be bigender. And to those who do not know what bigender is, it is where you feel like you are not one gender, but you are both. Somedays you feel like you are male, and other days you feel like you are female. After I found this out, I know I could not tell even my mom, for I would be claimed a liar, and I would be kicked out for being bigender. They still do not know to this day. I have very few friends who know about being bigender as well.
The moral of this is that no matter how closeted you are, don't feel pressured to come out. Wait until you feel right to do it, because if you do it because you feel pressured, it will be twice as hard on you. Make sure you never get yourself down and when you are ready to tell your families, tell them. If you have an extremely conservative family like my father's, I wouldn't reccommend telling them until you are allowed to leave the house at 18. There are really big risks to that, but remember it is your choice when to tell your family. Make sure it feels right.
No matter who you are, what your sexuality is, what your race is, what your gender is, you are beautiful and deserve happiness. Take a few deep breaths, and keep marching on. Every one of you is beautiful and big hearted, so never forget that you are strong, you are beautiful, and you are you. <3
LGBTQ+ Strong. <3