thoughts as numerous as all the world's dry fallen leaves swirl caught in a circular tempest in my head spinning endlessly they make only circles and never piles all i ask is to be able to sort the red from the green or make sense of it my mind is entrenched in its own civil war torn apart from the inside out wounds like that are hardest to heal I wonder if i should cut down the tree fearing that if i do no one will ever enjoy its beauty again feeling that the sun will never truly shine on this creature so tainted tinted by pain black and white marbleizing blending and shaded with a singular drop of blood blood for all the bark stripped away by careless cruel loveless hands leaving a black exterior of what as everything began as white but then was left tarred on the other hand there's always the white flower that cries lonely drops of blood the white rose so pure and beautiful always perfect even in awkward moments always the epitome of what i strive to be i want to feel snow-white petals beneath my fingertips as a familiar comforting sensation i still remember watching the delicate blossom reach to me a white beacon i the dark of the rainy night seeing each raindrop bead on the surface and slide slowly down each petal wanting to crush the tears away to smell the rose's warm comforting scent to feel it held in my hands as i gently caress its silken form and try to dull the sharp sable spears that are its thorns spears that thrust inward threatening the blossom's very lifeblood my eyes are frustrated because none of these things are black or white just varying shades of gray they suck my mind into their relentless angst its fury my soul is haggard and weary and tired i feel almost as if i'm in mid-air about to crash to the ground but am stuck in a horrifying moment that holds me suspended in time and i am caught between where i am and where i will be with no knowledge of how to get there and my heart is lost in a whirlwind of indecision it seems all i can do is wait for the shades of gray to tear me apart from the inside out their ambiguity my seemingly eternal damnation. c