My Story

March 10, 2009
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On October 22, 2006. That day was the day that I would come to find just how much my life would really change. It started out like just any other day I had to get up early get dressed and I had a musical, Beauty and the Beast, to go to at 2 o'clock. When I got ready to go I told my mom and sister good-bye and I would see them at the musical. I didn't see my dad that morning so I just left everything seemed normal that morning. The musical went by good it was the best one that we did yet! After the musical people were asking me if I wanted to go to Pizza Hut for a celebration of finishing the musical. But I had a feeling that there was something that I had to do. I had this feeling that I just had to get home right now. So after I said my good-bye to everybody I jumped in my car and drove home.

When I finally got home I noticed that there were two different cars in our driveway, my grandparents and my uncle's. I didn't even occur to me that something could have happened. Just that they were there at our house to see us, or that something like a family thing was going on. But when I drove up I saw my aunt and sister walk out of the house. I was ready to get out and say, 'Hi!' When I got out I noticed my aunt was crying and my little sister was crying right behind her. When she came up to me she said, 'Karlee get inside, something has happened. Your mom needs to talk to you.'

When I got inside I saw my uncle, grandpa, grandma, and mom all inside and I noticed they were all crying. And I also noticed that my dad wasn't standing there either. When I saw my mom she came to me and said, 'Karlee' Your dad' Your dad decided that he didn't want to live anymore''

Right then and there I didn't even know how to respond or even how to react. I was completely obtuse to everything that just happened. My mom walked up to me and gave me a hug; I started to cry as she held me. I sat down crying not knowing what to think with my mom still attached as if she'd never let go. I just sat there watching everyone I watched my uncle hold my grandpa back and it was hard to watch because my grandpa was crying and he has a bad heart condition and has a past of getting really high blood pressure under situations that are hard for him. This was the hardest of all' my uncle didn't want him to see my dad that way. He didn't want him to remember my dad like that.
Later on my mom started to talk to a police officer, and telling him everything that happened, and I was just sitting there listening to everything she said. I didn't want to hear most of the stuff she was saying. It was really hard to hear all of it; I sat there listening to everything just crying more. I got up and walked away. Later on after she got done talking to the police officer and she asked me to dial her mom's number and I did and she hung up because she couldn't tell her parents. When she finally got a hold of them, my grandmother was looking for a flight straight to Denver. My aunt, Kyle, from Denver came down that night and got there at one in the morning. And my mother's friend, Teresa, was already here and she and my Aunt packed up most of my dad's things because my mother couldn't bare to look at them. It was too hard for her.
That night was the longest night of my life. I was lying on the couch crying so much the light started to hurt my eyes. So I went and laid on my mom and dad's bed crying in the dark. After a while I eventually fell asleep. I woke up and my headache was gone away and my face looked like I had been crying still. I walked out and there were a lot of people out at our house. Right when I walked out people came up to me hugging, me saying everything was going to be okay. I just stood there letting them hug me. I went up to my room and laid in my bed in the dark all alone. My sister was with the family and my mom was sitting on the couch talking to no one.
We finally went to bed about 2 in the morning my mom, sister, Katie, and I all stayed in the bed together my mom didn't want us to sleep alone. She wanted us to be with her that night. It took everything I had not to cry and to fall asleep that it was all a dream and I will wake up in the morning and everything will be okay and nothing changed. That day I will never ever forget in my life.
The next morning I woke up at 6 a.m. walked around and a lot of the stuff of my dads was gone already. Almost everything, almost like he was never even there. I was looking at the people who were there which was my mom, Katie was still asleep, and my Aunt was up in my room sleeping and Teresa was sleeping on the couch. She was sitting in a chair looking out the window. She just sat there crying, she didn't eat anything for three days and barley drank any thing. I didn't eat anything for two days.

I was sitting in the kitchen when Gentry, my god sister, came and she came straight to me had a straight face on but just let it all out. She told me later that she kept telling herself that when she saw me she wanted to keep from crying because she wanted to be strong. But she just cried, she said that when she sa,w me she couldn't hold it in anymore. No way.

My friends from school came and comforted me and after they left it was just my family and I just sitting there around the house silently looking at each other. My grandma finally got my mom to eat something, but it was only a little something. And she looked a little bit better not so pale, but still you could tell that she hadn't been eating.

This was the day I dreaded the most, the day of the funeral. We all got dressed, getting ready to go the funeral. My mom went ahead with her mom and dad and Katie and I went with my Aunt Aryln and my cousin Lex. It was pretty cold that day so we had to dress kind of warm. We all got into the car to leave and I just started crying a little bit. When we finally got there my mom and her parents were standing in there and my aunt and uncle were there too. I stood there and I was doing fine I wasn't crying or anything I was just looking around and that's when all of the sudden the rolled in the casket of my dad. It wasn't an open casket of course, but when I saw it I couldn't help myself and I just started crying really, really hard. I couldn't hold it in anymore and my grandma came up and hugged me crying and her grip getting tighter and tighter. My mom called me to come over to her and I walked slowly over to her and she grabbed me and pulled me into her arms saying it's all going to be okay. We had the flower service first then we all had to go to the back of the church waiting for everyone to come. We had so many family and friends come, friends I didn't even expect to come. My volleyball team was there, and some of the students from my school. There were so many people that they had to open the back room and put seats in there for people to sit in. My dad had so many friends that he didn't even knew he had! We all loved him so much. They had my dad pushed down the aisle and we had to follow. That was the first time I saw Katie cry that whole week, besides the very first day, and she grabbed onto my mom's arm and so did I. This is all a dream. This can't be happening. No way, why now! But it was. The only aisle I wanted to walk down with my dad was for my wedding. This shouldn't be the way things should go! How could it have happened this way? I will never exactly know the reason of why things happened the way it happened. I will never know what induced or provoked my dad enough to take his life. I wish I did. It would make me feel so much better. But then again knowing won't bring my dad back to me. Sometimes I think about him and stuff he went through in his life. He never realized how many people really did love him! That whole week I was feeling so mad, angry, sad, confused, frustrated, upset, thinking how in the world could my dad have left us all here? Why? At first I was mad at God for taking my dad away, but now I realize God didn't take my dad away. He was helping my dad, my dad was really sad most of the time and it made me sad seeing him like that. But I just remember all the good times I have had with my dad and it makes me smile and cry because I know that he remembers them all too. Even though he isn't here today I know that he is watching over me and making sure we are all okay. It made me realize that life is short. And you never know when someone you truly care about will be gone. So live to the fullest and never regret anything that you do. Tell people everything you want to tell them, because you never know when you could get another chance.

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