My favourite feeling in this world is the accumulation of sadness, desperation, loneliness and annoyance that I feel when I am trying to control my tears in front of other people. I know that there are so many negatives attached to this but I really do feel like a hero. When, I make my eyes look up so that the tears don't fall out, I feel like someone who is so broken but is so strong because they are still holding themselves together. It feels like a slap on the face for anyone who has ever called me immature and childish. The constant welling up in my throat is nothing but the evidence of the door that I can shut in my heart when I know that this is not the time to feel. It's the time to be mature; grown up. A person who can handle themselves and who is not a mess full of emotions. The suffocation that I feel in my chest is the burden of my own wisdom and adulthood. But then, comes the feeling I hate the most. Letting it all out. I have heard that it should be relieving but it really is the loneliest experience that one can go through. There is no one to hold me tight because when I let it all out, I let go of myself as well when I was the only who could support myself. Suddenly I am just this person who is alone and misunderstood, who has no idea why she is crying and why she can't stop. I sound sad and miserable but don't worry, tomorrow when you meet me, I will smile like today's breakdown is the last time I will ever cry.
My favourite feeling
July 14, 2016