December 19, 2008
By Jessica Johnson, Columbus, MT

Here I lay next to you, my tears are crashing all around us. I'm screaming in worry, and don't know how to stop. I know you are hurting and I don't know why, every time I look at you I know what is going through your head. Why is this happening mommy, why can't I just feel better. I stare at you trying to explain by just looking into your eyes. "I love you. It's ok baby, It'll be ok." That connection between us somehow let you know how I felt.

You were always there for me, in the worst times of my life I could always count on you. Now I look at you and keep falling deeper and deeper, knowing that there is nothing you can do to save me tonight, you are the one that needs to be saved. I'm thinking of you the memories that we shared together. It's like a flashback of everything we have done together within a blink of an eye. All the pictures are serene, giving this feeling of joy. The cute little faces you give me, the way you always love to cuddle at any moment of the day.

I love you so much and now don't know what to do. I'm am so deep in this moment, I cannot function. I hold your head and weap, for I was the one who always would need your comfort and now it is my turn. It has come too soon and shouldn't have to be this way, but it is happening. I am the one comforting you, everything you need is from me know and I am so worried, but need to act calm. In order to comfort you I need to be strong, but the thing is I cannot be strong without you. Even in the moment of you needing comfort, you still are comforting me. Every kiss you give me shares a piece of your strength with me. Makes me smile, but tears crash down. Through all this you are what makes me realize that life is good as long as you try and don't worry, for the ones who love you are always there.

Tonight I lay here in your memory, holding your collar and kissing your sheets, where you laid last night. You have always been there for me no matter what, and I will carry you with me. I will miss you dearly my Handsome Mr. I just wish I could've had you longer.

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