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Loser

By
Loser

"Hey, which do you like better - sunny days, cloudy days, or rainy days?"

"What the hell? I don't know...rainy days, I guess...yeah, probably rainy days."

In the midst of silence, that's what I asked you. I guess I can't hold a conversation with you like I used to.

I loved to walk. It didn't matter what type of weather or where I was going. I wanted to keep walking. In reality, I was just afraid and wanted to hide. Since she was better than me in every aspect, I wanted to be far away. However, at the same time, I felt lonely without her. My sister who was older, mature, honest, polite, generous, and above all, a prodigy. We got along well and I always wanted her to meet my friends. After a while, I realized that she always had the power to take them away from me. Yes, I was jealous and more than that, I was afraid. I was hoping that it would be different with you. When you guys met, you two got along perfectly. More than that, you laughed and smile more. That's not something I'm capable of doing.

"I had a dream and you were in it. It made me really mad."

"What was it about?"

"...nothing."

"Tell me."

"...You were with my sister and..." My voice trailed off.

"You're thinking too much." I guess it already reached a point where you realized it was sibling rivalry.

At that moment, I really wanted to believe you. At the same time, I didn't want to. The half that wanted to believe you was the naive side and the side that didn't want to was the practical side. After all, who wouldn't prefer a person like my sister over me? Someone who likes to run away, can't speak her mind, can't be herself, and - what you hate the most - lies like there is no tomorrow.

Eventually you'll be drawn to her so much that you won't see me when you're with her, even when I'm just right next to you. Can you even see me right now?

You won't understand how it feels when someone exceeds you in everything and is capable of everything. After all, I can't surpass her. She's already beyond my reach. What hurts that most is that even when I consider her my rival, she doesn't consider me as anything more than a younger sister. She realizes she has the capability to take everything I have and yet, she believes it is nothing important.

Right now, where I'm standing - where we met - it's already gone. The tree here was cut off in our 10th grade year and just last year, the school closed down. They said that a large corporation bought the land. Really, what is this world coming to?

Like the school, our relationship slowly broke down into pieces, too. I have lost something important to her again.





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