Dear *insert name of ex-boyfriend here*,

Whatever mischievous planning that is suspected to be taking place behind my back desperately needs to end. Now. If you still hold feelings for me in the depths of your heart, I would much rather you pour them out all over my soul than dodge behind walls of expressionless nonexistence while you rely on faithful allies and online networking sites to grab my wobbling attention. I am not wowed by wacky emoticons or smiles from afar, but instead by a smile up close—a poke or two, even—accompanied by a somewhat nervous mouth that continuously babbles in a weak but acceptable attempt to win over the girl who keeps her mind as open as her heart allows.
Even though, the strings ever so weakly holding us together were cut long ago by the scissors of realization and rapid change.

Sincerely,
Your Only Homecoming Date Ever (think hard.)