A Letter To My Heartbreaker

January 30, 2009
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Dear Heartbreaker,

You know who you are and I know you might possibly never read this, and if you are than good, and if you?re not, oh well. And you need to understand that everything you did to me hurt me more than you think.
When we met a few weeks before Christmas break, I was? well, scared. I knew that very few couples were able to do the long distance relationship and I was skeptical, I admit it. But you were able to convince me, and our relationship brought out a new side of me, a side my friends and family didn?t know, a side I barely even knew.
I?m also not exactly sure if you know the effect you once had on me. The chills I got from seeing your backwards smiley faces in texts or the joy I got from seeing your name on my AIM Buddy List. I used to look forward to our little ?dates? after school, getting a coffee and texting or grabbing a slice pizza. Or how when you would kiss me, my breath would catch in my throat and how every little touch would send me sky high.
Then, you started texting and instant messaging me less. You had said that you had huge tests and were studying nonstop, that your phone died and you didn?t have your charger, and that your friend dropped your phone in the toilet. And I was stupid enough to believe every single lie you fed to me. Do you want to know why? Because I was lying to myself, I told myself that you would never cheat on me.
Then, a week ago, a class mate calls and leaves a voicemail asking if we?re really dating. It was not even five minutes after he hung up that I got a text message from you, the first in weeks. You had said that there was something you needed to tell me. I knew what you were going to say, and yet, I was ignorant and I lied to myself. You told me that you had cheated and that you can?t date two girls at once. Also, that you loved her more than me, and that you were choosing her.
You don?t understand the pain that you caused me. I had promised myself that I was not going to cry and I didn?t. That is until one of my friends asked what was wrong and as I replied my voice cracked and the tears fell. After I had cried over you in school, I had said I was never going to shed another tear for you. But, here I am, a week later, sitting at my computer, typing this. And you know what? The void in my heart is worse than it was a week ago and the tears I vowed never again to shed for you splatter my desk. And every day it?s the same. I plaster a smile on my face; speak in a tone I barely recognize, and put on an act every day so that my friends don?t know how much I?m still hurting after what you have done to me.
You?re more than just a guy, more than just somebody I was able to trust besides family and friends. You?re a heartbreaker, and I say this with complete sincerity. I hope one day, you will be able to find a girl that you love and that she loves you just as much. I also hope that, when and if you find this girl, you don?t hurt her they way you hurt me and the others.
And finally, although I shouldn?t say this, because I will just cause myself more pain. I still love you, even though you hurt me. You were something special and still are. Be careful about whoever else?s heart that you break. One day, karma is going to come around, and you will be the one with the heartbreak and not the heartbreaker.

The Girl Who Thought You Loved Her

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