Torn This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

     Maybe I have issues, but I don’t want to get married. I don’t want to spend my whole life with my high-school sweetheart, and I don’t want to have kids. Ever. I would never be satisfied with being tied down like that. I used to want that white picket fence/married to my high-school sweetheart/2.5 children/soccer-mom kind of life. Almost every little girl dreams of that. But lately I’ve realized that that life could never make me happy.

I don’t have a fear of commitment, I’m just being honest with myself. So when my boyfriend asked me out, I knew that our relationship was not going to last forever. I loved him already. Still, I knew that he was going to college the following year, and I’m not the kind of girl to have a long-distance relationship at the age of 16. Plus, I figured we would eventually get tired of each other, anyway. We would go out for a while, have fun, and then he would go off to college and that would be the end of it. We would still be good friends, but nothing more. I was not going to spend my whole life or even my youth with one person from the tiny town I grew up in. I want to experience life.

It’s been almost six months now, and we’re still together. I still love him so much, and he loves me, too. And it scares me. It scares me because deep in my heart, I know that if we end up staying together and getting married, I will never be satisfied. But we are perfect for each other, and have everything in common. I’ve never been so happy in my life, and I don’t want to lose that.

We talk about our relationship a lot. He doesn’t want to break up when he goes to college. He won’t admit it, but I’m worried that he chose a nearby college so he could be close, and I wouldn’t break up with him. I don’t want him to think that we are going to be together forever, but at the same time, I can’t bear the thought of losing him. It makes my heart twist. I’m so torn. He makes me question everything I believed about myself. It’s another definition of love to add to my vast collection.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.

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Lily">This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jan. 11 at 4:34 am
i love this so much!
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