Do You Remember?

January 13, 2009
By Emma Machell, Lawrence, KS

Dear Ex-Boyfriend,

Do you remember how we used to be? You used to be my best friend. We'd poke fun at each other in Science. I'd steal your books in English. I remember what book I stole all the time, 1001 Things That Make You Happy. It was your mom's. You'd flip through it and pointed out the funniest things to me like a small child showing his mom an art project. It was always one of my favorite memories of you. I used to think that if I could rewrite that book I would write about us.

You made orchestra so much fun. We both hated where we sat for the same reason, Karrera. You and I were best friends in that class. We would whisper to each other when the teacher wasn't looking. You'd tell me jokes and make that silly frowny face at me. Do you remember that? I don't know if you do anymore. I remember. I remember very clearly the day I really started to fall for you. It was at an orchestra concert. Everyone was freaking out because this was huge. You called my name and I couldn't hear you. Karrera was the one who tapped my shoulder and said,

"Emma, he wants you."

I remember coyly smiling at you, with my heart pounding in my throat. I remember asking you,

"You want me, huh?" As a joke I hoped you'd answer seriously.

And you said yes and didn't say anything more. My heart almost stopped beating.

Do you remember when we first became more than friends? The last dance was coming up and I finally worked up the courage to ask you to go with me. You said yes and I completely freaked out. I couldn't believe you were my date. I remember dancing with you. We were both so awkward. Always an armslength away from each other, looking out for my parents who were, as usual, chaperoning the dance. I remember looking for you during "No Air" by Jordin Sparks and when I had almost lost hope, I felt you tap me on the shoulder. Every time I heard "No Air" afterwards I could only think of you.

On Saturday you came over to my house asking if I wanted to go to Munchers. I turned you down but I wanted to go. That was when I asked if we were going out an dyou said yes. Later you rang my doorbell again, this time with your friend Alden. You asked my parents if we needed our lawn mowed. They said yes but your mower kept locking up so you didn't get very far. That was ok though, we still got to see each other.

We would count the days we were together. Do you remember that? You called me once just to remind me we had been together for one month, one week, and one day. You told me you hoped we lasted through highschool. I think it was then when I fell in love with you. I wanted to be with you forever and I was positive that we would be. You had my heart under your pillow.

Do you remember our first date? I invited your sister because I didn't want her to feel left out. All of our other guy friends said they couldn't come so it was you and a whole bunch of girls. You didn't mind though. Even when we went to see Speed Racer, possibly the worst movie ever made. You put your arm around me, held both my hands, and let me rest my head on youir shoulder. If I could have stayed there forever I would have.

I'm really sorry for not kissing you. On the last day of school when we were alone, sharing a chair. You kept nuzzling your face closer to mine. I should have taken your hint and kissed you but I didn't. Now that we are over I wonder if I had kissed you, would you have stayed?

I remember missing you over the summe.r Oh, I missed you terribly. I couldn't call you or see you because I was away with my grandparents. I remember how I couldn't wait to see you again. Things would be back to normal. At least, I thought so. When school started up again you were different. You didn't smile when you saw me, your friends acted differently around me, and you almost always ignored me. We never hung out anymore. I thought maybe I had done something wrong. Suddenly being your girlfriend became more of a curse than a blessing. I was always near tears and almost never happy. We didn't talk much about it. Every time I tried it seemed to go into one ear and out of the other. I ignored you to see if you reacted, I wrote you notes telling you to write back but you never did. Nothing I did worked. It was like you were a robot. You had no feelings whatsoever. Nothing I did made you understand that you were causing me so much pain.

I ended it with you on September 11th 2008. I know, irony, right? Do you remember when I did it? You basically ran away from me. You wouldn't look at me. Do you remember my sunglasses I put on after I broke it off? Those were to hide the tears. I still loved you and breaking up with you was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I've heard stories from your friends saying you were glad it was over and I've heard stories from my friensd saying you weren't. It didn't matter to me, it was over, you were no longer mine.

Today you are someone else's. A tall blonde. My vain side tries to make myself believe that you're dating her because she looks like me but my realistic side knows that's not true. You've moved on, congratulations. In four months are you going to abandon her like you did me?

Do you remember my seventh grade boyfriend? The boyfriend that was with me a month and you wanted to be with me longer? I won't say anything more detailed by this; you can move on but that doesn't mean I can't. And I think I am. So, dear ex-boyfriend, you had your chance. A chance you basically blew. Do you remember when I told you maybe we could try it again some other time? Well, maybe you'll remember this; there was an other time but that time has come and gone.

Your ex-girlfriend

P.s. I want my heart back.

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