Hole

January 3, 2009

I dug it, I knew I did. The proof is in the memory's I carry, that I ponder, that I replay over and over.

The proof made me dig this hole, that I cant retrive my heart, that I cant feel the joy or sorrow at times. Or the problem of not being able to stop the tearing in my chest to just stop the pain.

I lost something, or everything you could say. I lost my heart, my home, my life the day I was pulled away.

To pain to sorrow I surrendered to feel something in place of nothing. Because I had nothing, I have nothing. Its the feeling of hurt that rips your soul but you can't, or won't, make it leave because thats when you remember the joy. Remember the time I smiled when we walked toghether, or when you made me laugh so hard it hurt.

I gave in, I give in to feel it all over and over, To feel what a loss is really like it that hole in my cheast, the place I lost my heart.

If there was a cure would I take it? To forget the memories of you? Never... But then I wish I could laugh and I hate myself for giving in over a few bars of our song.

And the tears flow so easy over me, washing my sanity one wave at a time. To lie on the ground and give up to see your face in my mind, to know that you have forgotten me. You must have, and that thought rips at my hole once more, to think that you don't feel my pain, or that you do. You can't hold yourself together, the peices of you can't be put back like a puzzle.

When you have lost everything, given it up for someone else, you would not have went back and started over. I would make the same desision, and I would dig my hole to hide my heart. To feel is to betray you, so I plead,


Spare me a thought and keep your heart safe, because mine is there too.


The author's comments:
I think the hardest part about writing this really personal experiance is that I am still in the middle of it all, and that everyone except the people I want to really see and feel this will. But its a good step to put what your feeling out there for the world to see even if your in a emotional free fall. Watch out for those life altering crazy moments when every thing changes.

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on Mar. 24 2009 at 1:49 pm
CABhahahahaHPhahahaTLhaha GOLD, Kamuela, Hawaii
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