Writing saved her life

December 3, 2008
By Jamie Reed, Meriden, CT

She was seven years old when the dreams started, she would wake screaming in fear not knowing what she would do all she knew was that she hurt. she found hope in her pain though only the pain she caused, she felt lost, she felt alone she thought no one else knew her suffering. One day she woke so cold she felt afraid and when she pulled the pen out to use it's sharp point again she found a peice of paper and pulloed it to her form as she slowly drew the pen form her alabaster skin and put the tip to the paper and wrote her tears away. Her name was Kila, she wanted to grow up and become a social worker, all she ever wanted to do was save people from her pain. She was seven years old then. One day she woke with so much fear and hurt that she feared the writing couldn't help but she wrote any way, she wrote the pain and the fear, she wrote it all away. She went to school as she always did she tried to remain strong but when the kids called her fat she knew that it was all wrong. She held in her tears she held in the pain, she hoped that it would soon end. she sat under the darkness in her empty desk and wrote the fears down. She was so afraid a frightend beauty in her name she sat alone so lonesome and bold.
As she laid in silence on her cold lonely bed she cried for all the things that had not yet been said. She loved her sister she wanted to see her grow, her mom would be so sad she never wanted to let her go. Her dad, her dad she knew would be so cold, she loved him more then anything but she had never told. She stood slowly not wanting to move at all. All she could do was walk towards the door, the bronze doorknob felt warm against her skin. As one last tear fell from her eye she took a deep breath and walked into the light, she heard the laughter coming from below and took a step towards the stairs. She knew she had to do this, she knew she had to seem strong or her family would know that somthing was wrong. She walked down the stairs with each step she forced a smile; she walked to her family and sat ther waiting, waiting untill the last night came to an end.
The next morning she rode the bus writing in the notebookshe always carried with her, she heard the whispers all around she knew what they had to say. "What a freak oh wow she is so strange" she only wished that they would say 'oh wow I'll really miss her some day'she held in the tears knowing that it wouldn'tlast long and wrote in her book what she thought to be her last song but when she stepped off the bus and fell to her knees there was something there to pick up her book and t help her stand, it wasn't a person because no one cared it was the words that seemed to ring in her head. I am not you, you are not me I will be strong I will be free. I am my own heart I am my own me I know you don't like it but I wont let you break me." with a deep breath she stood from the floor and walked her way through the door. She didn't know how long those words would work but she knew she had knew she had to try so all that day she wrote t free her pain though she looked and saw the scares she left all those days, she wrote all her tears away. As peoplw talked they laughed as well while she suffered silently not knowing exactly what to do to save herself. She loved her book she loved the feeling of the flowling on the page she hoped the feeling would last though allshe had to do was get passed.
That night she laid in ehr bed thinking aabout her plans she had made, she looked at her book which held her fate, she had teo choices to make. She could only see what had been there before so she took the book in her hands and brought the pen to her wrist as her eyes closed. With a sigh she put the pen to the paper abd wrote these final words that they would all know. "I can't see why you hate me so but I don't really care I will ve strong and I will be brave I promise you will never break me.

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