Ayuda a su madre, Por-tase bein

December 1, 2008
“Ayuda a su madre”

“Por-tase bien”

These words I hear from everyone in my family what feels like every day. They mean “Help your mother and behave.”

It started out the day my life changed. The day my dad died. I was in 6th grade and I remember hearing my mom yelling across the apartment for my grandma. It was strange voice like something was happening and I knew not to get mad because it was like 6 in the morning on a Sunday. My grandma was sleeping over at our house which was strange because she didn’t normally sleepover. I woke up to my sister with a worried look on her face sitting on the pull-out bed, and my grandma sprinting to my parent’s room. I sat down next to my sister because I was scared to go to the room ( I also felt as if I shouldn’t be in there right now) My heart beating fast I was thinking “ What’s happening” My face burning. Even though I was next to my sister we didn’t speak until we heard our names getting called. Their voices were all teary when they called for us. I walked not slow but not fast. Scared to see what was going to happen next

I walked all the way to the hallway towards the living room and there I saw my mom red-faced and crying in her pajamas. She gave us (my sister and I) a hug and told us in a voice that I could tell that she didn’t want to break it to us that “Papi ce murió.” This meant that my dad died. At that second my eyes where stinging my throat got dry and started hurting. This can’t be happening just yesterday he was singing to the radio and being perfectly fine, I thought. I tried to keep strong but I felt the tears falling down my cheeks.

To not show my mom and sister that I was crying , I walked over to the living room and there I saw my grandma on the couch crying, I walked over to the couch and sat next to her and just stayed there. It felt like forever and I just wanted to wake up from this HORRIBLE nightmare. But then my mom and sister started walking in and my grandma got up and just started walking around the living room. My mom sat next to me and my sister next to my mom.

At that time the ambulances already came and the paramedics where strolling inside our house. (I think my grandma let them in.) They started talking to my mom and then came onto the couch with us and started talking something about that my mom should have a box that my sister and I know where it is so if anything happens to her we will know all about her medical history. I wasn’t paying attention really to what she was saying I was staring straight past her towards the “big T.V.” My dad used to call it his “baby.” I also was looking for my dog and then noticed that she was sitting in front of my mom this whole time. While my mom was talking to the police officer my grandma was calling my cousin so that they can tell my dad’s mom what had happened ( New spreads really quickly in my family especially my dad’s since they all live near each-other.) Next thing I know the police officer told me that they were going to take my dad away so if I wanted to go see him I would have to go now. My mom exclaimed “you don’t have to if you really don’t want to. My mom made me go in and see my dad when he passed away and I really didn’t want to so now you have the choice if you want to go or not.” I was still undeceive but then at the last second I left I walked into the room tears still strolling down my eyes seeing my dad just lying there on the bed ( anyone could have simply mistaken him for someone sleeping.) He was on his usual side of the bed (the right side of the bed near the computer) I kissed my hand then gently placed it on his head. His head was cold and felt different I can’t explain it but then I just was thinking this is one of the last times I would see his face in person even if he still wasn’t alive. My life flashed past me wishing that I would have not taken for granted that I had a great loving dad that cared and loved me. I walked out my tears went from strolling to bursting down my hot cheek.

After; my mom stayed home to talk to the paramedics and my grandma sister and I went to my aunts who lived like 10 minutes away. When we went out to go get something to eat everything reminded me of my dad. From the dunkin donuts store to the random guy across the street. Even though my family was coming my mind was only on I want to see my friends. I didn’t want to be with my family because I knew that for the next few days I would be seeing them a lot. I would want to be with my friends who I could only see during school and sometimes out of it. Also they would make me laugh and forget about what had just happened and family would just cry.

A day later during the funeral many people where waiting to go and pray/ see my dad. The line lead out of the building onto the street. I never knew that my dad knew so many people. More than half of the people there I didn’t know who they were (I think I heard someone who worked there say it was one of the biggest amount of people there for a funeral.) When I whispered to my mom “Who are they I don’t remember them.” She just claimed back that she didn’t know them either.

Sometime during the funeral my grandma walked up to us and in Spanish told us that “now that your dad has passed away you are going to have to help you mother and behave.” At that time I listened and took it for consideration and didn’t ignore her.

The outburst soon began. Most likely no one noticed we have heard it many times. Every time we went on the phone with a family member, when they came, when they left, and many other times. They would say help you mother and behave. My sister also started noticing that everyone would tell us this and we both started getting annoyed. Trying our best to listen to what they said started to get useless because no matter how hard we tried to be good and behave we would still have that said to us.

Now we still get it said but less only by our grandmas. But I have resulted in trying my best no matter how many times I get it said to me. I have pretty much memorized that my grandmas tell me “help your mother and behave” once we have to get off the phone so I just take the phone away from my ear when I guess that they are going to say it. I understand that they say it for my benefit and for my mom’s but once is enough. It’s not difficult to behave and help out it is just that my sister and I are like our dad we don’t like it when things are repeated to many times. The night before my dad passed away he told me only once to turn off the radio and yes I did turn it off. (Those where the last words he said to me.)

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