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Front Line of Embarrassment This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.


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Humiliated to the point of tears, I stepped out of line. My kindergarten peers giggled and whispered. More than anything, I wanted to disappear, melt into the ground. I stared at the floor, desperately searching for an escape. As the seconds passed, my stomach twisted into knots. The large and frightening second graders walked past. Their laughs bounced around the walls of the hallway and pierced me. I was blushing apple red and my face felt so hot that maybe, hopefully, there was a chance I’d melt away. To say that I was embarrassed would be an understatement.

Even now as I’m remembering that moment, I feel uneasy and self-conscious. Ten years have passed yet I still struggle reliving the event. I’m horrified even at the thought of another person reading this.

Though part of me wishes to forget that day, it is stuck like unwanted gum in the corner of my mind. I can still remember my kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Baine, ringing the bell to end recess. As she vigorously waved the bell in the air, her entire body shook. I abandoned my hole in the sandbox and sprinted toward the door. As I dashed past my classmates their images blurred and my eyes locked on my destination.

I had a theory. For the last few days, I had noticed that there was a connection between winning the foot race to the door and being chosen as Leader for the Day. And my theory was proven right. As I stood ­victoriously at the front of the line, Mrs. Baine held up a yellow popsicle stick with my name etched into the wood in large, shaky writing. She declared that I had been chosen.

I was overwhelmed with pride. The position was highly respected by all kindergarteners. The Leader for the Day had extra cookie rights and spinning-chair privileges. This honored person was entrusted to call everyone’s name for attendance. But best of all, Leader for the Day led the line all the way down the hallway.

I was determined to have a great day. My first few hours were wonderful. I was giddy and excited. These feelings climaxed when Mrs. Baine lined us up for gym class. I proudly assumed my position at the front of the line. Spinning hundreds of circles in the comfy chair and gorging on extra cookies was great, but ­neither of these could compare to leading the class through the hallways.

Looking back, I don’t understand what was so ­magical about being in the front of the line for this two-minute walk. True, the first person had a more scenic view, but judging by the way we fought over it, there must have been more. A sense of excitement filled me whenever I was in front. I guess every other kid felt that way too. We invented ways to trick others into letting us cut in front of them. “What do scissors do?” was one such trap. The jealous person second in line often jeered, “First is the worst, second is the best!” Feeling left out, the third person might shout, “Third is the one with the treasure chest.” Despite everything, the Leader for the Day was guaranteed a position in front. Everyone knew and revered that fact, even if they were jealous.

Smiling and waving to friends behind me, I stepped through the star-covered doorway. Smugly, I marched forward. Nothing but open hallway was in front of me. Then my teacher stopped and I obediently did too. Mrs. Baine had a disgusted look on her face. Something wasn’t right. Suddenly, I felt vulnerable and defenseless with so much open hallway around me. She appeared shocked as she pointed toward the ground with a plump finger. Then she loudly asked, “Whose underwear is that?!”

I cringed, recognizing it instantly. I closed my eyes, hoping that when I opened them my underwear would be gone.

It was still there. On the floor. In front of everyone.

I stared in horror, and the Winnie the Pooh printed on it returned my gaze. I was ashamed. In my mind, Winnie the Pooh was babyish. Why, of all underwear, did it have to be that pair? Why did my aunt put it in my locker? I told her not to! I tried to hide, but there was no one to hide behind – I was the lucky person in front.

Around me, kids giggled and whispered. Mrs. Baine’s voice crescendoed. “Whose underwear is this? We’re not leaving until someone picks it up.” Her unease increased with the amusement of the class. I dreaded what was about to happen. I bit my lip, held back tears, took a deep breath and stepped out of line. As quickly as possible, I snatched it up.

My class howled in laughter. The second graders walked by and pointed, laughing. I quickly shoved my underwear into my locker. With what little dignity I had left, I slunk back to the front of the line and proceeded to lead my class to gym. My cheeks burned. Humiliated to the point of tears, I longed to disappear, shrink, hide, and sulk. The embarrassment I felt was so enormous, it hurt.

With ten years to heal from the trauma of this event, I now feel in a position to ask What is embarrassment anyway? As I think about it, the part of me that isn’t horrified by my kindergarten misery is laughing. Whoever is reading this thinks no less of me after hearing this story. What power does embarrassment have? It is just one moment of thousands in a person’s lifetime, happening to one out of billions of people, living on one planet out of many in the universe.

I am not the first person in history to suffer the distress of underwear displayed publicly. This has happened to someone else before – yet no one remembers it. The history books surely won’t record that in 1996, Ariel’s underwear was lying in the middle of the hallway. In fact, I bet not one other person can recall the humiliated kindergarten girl. So why do I cling to that shameful memory? Why do I still blush when thinking about it?

Maybe it’s because I remember that feeling. No words can do it justice. It was discomfort, distress, and disaster. It was crushing, self-conscious confusion. It was frustration, shame, and unease. It was embarrassment. Or maybe I still blush because part of me remains that vulnerable kindergarten girl, proudly leading the line down the hallway.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.





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simplyalone said...
Jan. 20, 2010 at 9:29 pm:
In kindergarden I had a mishap. I was on the monkey bars/jungle gym swinging from pole to pole my feet dangling high above the ground and then from out of nowhere a little boy (who happened to have a crush on me at the time) grabbed on to my legs and swung. As he fell my shirt remained in his hands until he hit the ground. Luckily my underwear had stayed in place. I lost my grip and fell. I grabbed my skirt from him, slipped it on and ran away crying.
 
LoveOfWords replied...
Mar. 5, 2010 at 12:01 pm :
Oh, bless you! Were there any ramifications for the little boy?
 
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emilysbreakfast said...
Jan. 20, 2010 at 2:54 pm:
what a great story. i peed my pants in kindergarten and it was the most embarrassing thing that happened to me. Everything after that was just water under the bridge.
 
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emilypear said...
Jan. 20, 2010 at 2:05 pm:
Good job capturing the emotions.
 
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StormyxD said...
Jan. 20, 2010 at 12:52 pm:
Dude, I feel your embarressment. My skirt fell down in front of my entire first grade class. I was literally standing in the front of all the desks so not one person missed my 102 dalmation undies. Maybe there's a trend, stand in the front and your humiliating underwear is revealed to all. (: such is life.
 
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SmileySunnyD This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 29, 2009 at 10:33 pm:
Wow! Embaressement is the worst feeling ever. Ur a good writer!
 
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rememberme32 said...
Dec. 29, 2009 at 9:42 pm:
embarrasment, as simply as i can put it, is the shear fact that everyone is staring at your thinking the same thing; or when you look someone in the eye and tell them the naked truth as bad as it hurts. embarrasment, simply, is pain rushed into laughing at you, not with you.
 
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TheUnknownGuest said...
Dec. 29, 2009 at 8:36 pm:
When I was in kindercare before school, I remember the other kids and I would show each others underwear, as if bragging about what characters our parents bought for us...... funny and weird times.. :)
 
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Emily555 said...
Dec. 7, 2009 at 5:23 pm:
This is great! So many people can relate to this. Thinking back, there is a lot of things that I find myself blushing and cringing at. I liked the way you described everything. It made it seem so realistic.
 
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SickImage said...
Dec. 7, 2009 at 9:48 am:
In first grade i peed my pants in the classroom....I was wearing a dress.
My mom had to come and bring me new clothes.
I remember i wanted to go home so bad but she would't let me.
I still blush when i think about it too.
;)
 
ldxx replied...
Mar. 14, 2011 at 10:24 am :
hello.i come from china.i want to make friends with you.my name is ldxx.i'm in grade1 in liaoning province shiyan high school.my favourite subject is physics.if you want make friends with me,reply soon,please.
 
SickImage replied...
Mar. 15, 2011 at 2:13 am :
me or the author? lol
 
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christadelphian428 said...
Dec. 7, 2009 at 9:18 am:
Wow . . . really well written!
 
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Nanna said...
Nov. 15, 2009 at 9:52 pm:
Wow this was really captivating. I felt like I was righ there, leading that line. Nice job! : ) If you could, please check out some of my work.
 
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jjbooflyjusslikethat said...
Nov. 15, 2009 at 6:04 pm:
this was very well written and I enjoyed reading it. I liked the way the memory to a piece of gum stuck in your memory. well done
 
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guitar4life said...
Nov. 15, 2009 at 8:50 am:
I really like it :)
 
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farahThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 15, 2009 at 2:24 am:
wow.i really like it.So well written :)
 
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Rebecca24 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 24, 2009 at 6:48 pm:
Wow, lovely! I love your style. You captured such a fragile moment so gracefully. Excellent job!
 
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spitfire213 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 24, 2009 at 6:29 pm:
hehe, wen i was in fifth grade and had no chest i had one of those training bras, and i dont know how but it ended up in my locker and it fell out when i was cleaning. the kid next to me didnt even know wut it was. looking back i think its hilarious.
 
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day-dreamer said...
Oct. 24, 2009 at 10:36 am:
Everyone can relate to the humiliation that you experienced either it's because of who you are what you've done.. anything.. everybody can relate.. this story was very well written.. good job!
 
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lovehate29 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 24, 2009 at 10:01 am:
WOW! this story was great. Funny, sad, enjoyable. I always loved to lead the line, but never have I heard of this. Great novelty. And imagey. Written well. LOved it!!
 
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