Front Line of Embarrassment This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

December 1, 2008
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Humiliated to the point of tears, I stepped out of line. My kindergarten peers giggled and whispered. More than anything, I wanted to disappear, melt into the ground. I stared at the floor, desperately searching for an escape. As the seconds passed, my stomach twisted into knots. The large and frightening second graders walked past. Their laughs bounced around the walls of the hallway and pierced me. I was blushing apple red and my face felt so hot that maybe, hopefully, there was a chance I’d melt away. To say that I was embarrassed would be an understatement.

Even now as I’m remembering that moment, I feel uneasy and self-conscious. Ten years have passed yet I still struggle reliving the event. I’m horrified even at the thought of another person reading this.

Though part of me wishes to forget that day, it is stuck like unwanted gum in the corner of my mind. I can still remember my kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Baine, ringing the bell to end recess. As she vigorously waved the bell in the air, her entire body shook. I abandoned my hole in the sandbox and sprinted toward the door. As I dashed past my classmates their images blurred and my eyes locked on my destination.

I had a theory. For the last few days, I had noticed that there was a connection between winning the foot race to the door and being chosen as Leader for the Day. And my theory was proven right. As I stood ­victoriously at the front of the line, Mrs. Baine held up a yellow popsicle stick with my name etched into the wood in large, shaky writing. She declared that I had been chosen.

I was overwhelmed with pride. The position was highly respected by all kindergarteners. The Leader for the Day had extra cookie rights and spinning-chair privileges. This honored person was entrusted to call everyone’s name for attendance. But best of all, Leader for the Day led the line all the way down the hallway.

I was determined to have a great day. My first few hours were wonderful. I was giddy and excited. These feelings climaxed when Mrs. Baine lined us up for gym class. I proudly assumed my position at the front of the line. Spinning hundreds of circles in the comfy chair and gorging on extra cookies was great, but ­neither of these could compare to leading the class through the hallways.

Looking back, I don’t understand what was so ­magical about being in the front of the line for this two-minute walk. True, the first person had a more scenic view, but judging by the way we fought over it, there must have been more. A sense of excitement filled me whenever I was in front. I guess every other kid felt that way too. We invented ways to trick others into letting us cut in front of them. “What do scissors do?” was one such trap. The jealous person second in line often jeered, “First is the worst, second is the best!” Feeling left out, the third person might shout, “Third is the one with the treasure chest.” Despite everything, the Leader for the Day was guaranteed a position in front. Everyone knew and revered that fact, even if they were jealous.

Smiling and waving to friends behind me, I stepped through the star-covered doorway. Smugly, I marched forward. Nothing but open hallway was in front of me. Then my teacher stopped and I obediently did too. Mrs. Baine had a disgusted look on her face. Something wasn’t right. Suddenly, I felt vulnerable and defenseless with so much open hallway around me. She appeared shocked as she pointed toward the ground with a plump finger. Then she loudly asked, “Whose underwear is that?!”

I cringed, recognizing it instantly. I closed my eyes, hoping that when I opened them my underwear would be gone.

It was still there. On the floor. In front of everyone.

I stared in horror, and the Winnie the Pooh printed on it returned my gaze. I was ashamed. In my mind, Winnie the Pooh was babyish. Why, of all underwear, did it have to be that pair? Why did my aunt put it in my locker? I told her not to! I tried to hide, but there was no one to hide behind – I was the lucky person in front.

Around me, kids giggled and whispered. Mrs. Baine’s voice crescendoed. “Whose underwear is this? We’re not leaving until someone picks it up.” Her unease increased with the amusement of the class. I dreaded what was about to happen. I bit my lip, held back tears, took a deep breath and stepped out of line. As quickly as possible, I snatched it up.

My class howled in laughter. The second graders walked by and pointed, laughing. I quickly shoved my underwear into my locker. With what little dignity I had left, I slunk back to the front of the line and proceeded to lead my class to gym. My cheeks burned. Humiliated to the point of tears, I longed to disappear, shrink, hide, and sulk. The embarrassment I felt was so enormous, it hurt.

With ten years to heal from the trauma of this event, I now feel in a position to ask What is embarrassment anyway? As I think about it, the part of me that isn’t horrified by my kindergarten misery is laughing. Whoever is reading this thinks no less of me after hearing this story. What power does embarrassment have? It is just one moment of thousands in a person’s lifetime, happening to one out of billions of people, living on one planet out of many in the universe.

I am not the first person in history to suffer the distress of underwear displayed publicly. This has happened to someone else before – yet no one remembers it. The history books surely won’t record that in 1996, Ariel’s underwear was lying in the middle of the hallway. In fact, I bet not one other person can recall the humiliated kindergarten girl. So why do I cling to that shameful memory? Why do I still blush when thinking about it?

Maybe it’s because I remember that feeling. No words can do it justice. It was discomfort, distress, and disaster. It was crushing, self-conscious confusion. It was frustration, shame, and unease. It was embarrassment. Or maybe I still blush because part of me remains that vulnerable kindergarten girl, proudly leading the line down the hallway.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.

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This article has 122 comments. Post your own now!

GlassesGirl721 said...
Aug. 1, 2012 at 8:36 am
Embarresment is so powerful because it is the loudest and strongest wake up call to remind us that we are not perfect, just human.
Writer_Jordan said...
Aug. 1, 2012 at 2:02 am
I loved this piece! I had a few embarassing moments in elementary school, and while everyone else probably forgot about them already, I cling to them!--agh. Teachers in younger grades do not know the effects of embarassing kids so young--it stays with you forever
Personage said...
Mar. 23, 2012 at 6:51 am
This exact thing happened to me!
CreativeWriter86 said...
Feb. 29, 2012 at 9:19 pm
I love your story! I just love how each word has so much emotion and feeling behind it. This is a very well written story!
ElkieLion This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 7, 2012 at 2:08 pm
I love it!!!!!
EPluribusUnum This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 16, 2012 at 10:11 am
I hate embarassment, it sticks with you for years. This was REALLY well written. Please, keep writing!
Unknown0_0 said...
Dec. 3, 2011 at 12:48 am
I can totally relate, I had so many embarrising things happen to me in elementary. Sometimes I actually think it is nice to look back at it all and laugh. Very well written, I actually felt like I was there. :)
MidnightNow1127 said...
Nov. 11, 2011 at 10:34 pm
I can imagine how humiliating it must be for a kindergarten girl to go through that traumatic experience. I understand embarrassment, and I hate it :/ Brilliant title and very well written. I could picture it (unfortunately) the whole way through.
Lit.rox This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 11, 2011 at 7:09 pm
Wow...seriously, this is one of the best articles i've read so the title...keep writing.
Bones96 said...
Nov. 11, 2011 at 6:03 pm
I love the title. And you have a good point what is enbarrment? Why do we feel it? Anyway well written go story reminded me of somthing close to what happened to me.
Katelan said...
Nov. 11, 2011 at 2:11 pm
OMGosh, never let your mom buy "them" for you... one time mine got me a pair a size too big (in high school) and I had a skirt on... my crush came over and there I was having to tighten my legs so that my underwear wouldn't fall down... talk about horrible! Great story :)
ButterflyKiss said...
Oct. 20, 2011 at 11:54 am
Hm. Never heard of a story that included an abandoned pair of panties in the hallways. That's probably why your story is one of the best I have read in a while. :)
soldout said...
Sept. 29, 2011 at 6:57 pm

I literally have a ton to say on this:

1. Best title POSSIBLE!

2. Don't ever, ever feel like this is stupid. these awkward moments are shared with everyone sometime

3. i like how yu wrapped it up. i mean, honestly? what IS embarrassment? is it just a feeling?

4. i wonder why these horrible thoughts clog our minds so much!

5. yu should write a piece on a ( hem, hem) happy memory. just to even out yur writing

6. i'm giving this 4 stars!!

clumsyteardropper said...
Sept. 28, 2011 at 2:42 pm
aww, i'd be embarrassed too!  but that was soo many years ago.
i get how you feel... my biggest embarrassment was in front of a whole audience!!  but im over it :P  VERY well done! :)
Raven-Mcdonald said...
Sept. 28, 2011 at 1:19 pm
I also dont understand why we always remember embarassing moments clearer than we ever remember good moments. true we will all remember the day we won our first race, but we might not remember the time, the grade or any other number of details, yet when someone asks us to recall our most embarassing moment, vua-la!, there it is front and center, every detail of it, from the loudest laugh to the paperclip on the floor you seemed so amazed with, in an attemt to make less eye contact.... maybe we c... (more »)
bubbles said...
Sept. 28, 2011 at 12:39 pm

i love this book


bubbles replied...
Sept. 28, 2011 at 12:41 pm

i love this book


hobo12321 said...
Sept. 28, 2011 at 9:58 am
LOVED the ending especially the no words-words! keep writing!
Not a vampire Edward said...
Sept. 6, 2011 at 3:08 pm
: ) That's funny. And I like what you said at the end about "what is embarrassment?" It's so true.
emilybwrites said...
Aug. 15, 2011 at 12:48 pm
i really liked this it was almost humorous! i could really feel what you were feeling! please check out my poem "forgotten domain" and comment and rate it!
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