I don't understand
     Since i was young I've always felt a little different. Not my desire to become something and stand out from the rest and to be looked out at from the soulless crowd or dummies that spend their time thinking and doing the same as every other man controlled by the same remote. Im talking about my difference in morals. How i see the world and how i hate it. So much has been bothering me and i seem to be the only one who cares.
     In sure that many people, to dumb to understand that their actions and words have a deeper meaning and effect, wouldn't be so cruel intentionally if they knew what they were doing. Even the some of the smartest people fall into this category but those people don't bother me they are just a reaction to the men with remotes. These "men with remotes" are the most terrible people i have ever seen. They say things, do things, that are so i disgusting no murder or crime can match their evil. They do it so quietly too nobody can see through the mist of what they are really doing. The worst part to me is the way people let them be so controlling and so cruel. This is what bothers me most, how people go along with it. There is third role to this game of hatred too. It is the kids who take all the abuse and cruelty from everyone just because one person in control decided to pick on them. I have happen to have played all these roles so far and only now i can really control my thoughts and actions because before, even when i felt i was the one in control, there was something that made me do or say things that i now have no clue why i would want or need to.
     Its different now. I have taken a step back and looked at myself and thought about it but i cant understand what drives this cruelty. Why did kids take jokes on for so long to the point where its like shooting a bullet through a healing bullet wound and then waiting for them to heal to shoot them open again. Why can a kid be so rude and mean and make fun of everyone one and nobody make fun of him back at all or when somebody does its so unheard of that the kid makes everyone think of him as the mean one. Why is it that one kid can be so mean to a person that the person considers the kid their friend because they are afraid of how worse it will be if they don't.
       This needs to stop. No leader has ever came to power without doing some dumb things but we used to look beyond those things. Now one mistake follows you everywhere never allowing you to grow. Then it puts you down causing you to make more and more mistakes until the point of where you would rather cry than smile because to smile is to accept yourself and yourself is the very reason you are down. This should not be the case. Everyone should be smiling because of themselves and laughing at their dumb mistakes not crying about them.
       There are other things i am confused about too. Like the phrase "be a man and suck it up". Is hiding your thoughts and feelings really being a man? Because then being a man is being no man at all. Being a man should be sticking up for you and what you believe not cowering out and fitting in with what is easiest. What is easiest is least manliest.
        If this is what our society has come to and what it is going to be i do not want any part. I know once i have left these people that disgust me and were mean to me that made me want to leave will want to me back. I know because i have left before and came back. Its different for a while, less jokes, less meanness but after a while its all the same and i just want to leave again. I am different but i don't find it bad. I can make my own decisions and guide my life like i feel these other people can not. I want to help these soulless dummies but they don't want it, and I'm not going to be brought down again and again by these kids. Although i have made this decision i stay because i don't understand and what i don't understand i am afraid of. I am not afraid that these kids will make be mean to me because i cant be brought down anymore by those what i worry is that the people i love will crumble under the meanness of these people or even worse become one.
        Why are people so mean? I just don't understand.