Beating Anorexia This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

“You can sit there. The ­doctor will be right with you.” The nurse gestured me to the waiting room. Come on, do I really need to be here? I'm not sick enough to be here.

“Jane! The doctor will see you now.”

Great … The office door closed behind me.

Let me explain how I got here. I'm a dancer. I've always had problems with my weight. I was never fat, just chunky. I always felt self-conscious in my leotard. I think that's what triggered it. One day, at the end of freshman year, I told myself I was going to stop eating and get skinny. So that night I skipped dinner. And that's how it started. I would skip meals or throw them away. I drank a lot of water and ran on the track at school during lunch.

It felt so good to see the pounds melt away from my body. I was invincible. But in reality, I was ignoring the symptoms I was feeling. I was light-headed, dizzy, cold, and tired. By now it was May, and I was always absolutely freezing in school. I wore two sweatshirts and was still chilled. But I was losing weight and that was all that mattered to me. People were noticing too. All of my friends told me how great I looked. It was such positive ­reinforcement. Only they didn't know that I wasn't just exercising – I was starving myself.

My parents started noticing when I was at the point of no return – the point where I couldn't go back to regular eating. They said I was getting too skinny and needed to stop. They took away my gym membership, like that would make me stop. In fact, I started eating even less because I couldn't work it off. I was so preoccupied with my weight and calories that I avoided my friends. I would never go out to dinner with anyone. The friends I still talked to were annoyed with me ­because all I would talk about was dieting.

School ended, and I went to summer camp. It was perfect. I didn't have my mother monitoring how much I ate, so I did what I wanted. I didn't eat much, and when I did eat, I had salads. No dressing. When the two weeks were up and my mom came to get me, she was shocked at my appearance. I was skin and bones. You could see my back bones through my skin. I was so proud of myself, but this was the last straw for my mom. She made an appointment with a doctor.

At that first appointment, I weighed 104. My mom was shocked and angry with me. I had lost 21 pounds in a month and a half. My doctor went on and on about how my weight was too low for my height – like I cared. I loved to hear that. By this time I was sick. I had anorexia.

I spent the next few weeks doing exactly what I had been doing – not eating and lying about food. Then it was my first day of summer dance classes. I hadn't danced for about two months. The first thing my teacher said was, “Jane, you're looking very thin. Are you eating enough?” It was a serious question, but I smiled and nodded yes. I was so proud of myself. A week into dance class, my teachers asked to talk to my mom and me. They told me I looked very unhealthy and that they didn't want anything to happen to me. This meeting made my mom cry. I hated that. My mom made another doctor's appointment for me.

At the appointment, I weighed 99 pounds. I had lost another five pounds. I tried to hide the smile on my face. But this time, they took my vitals. My temperature and blood pressure were both low. My heart rate was low. My body was starting to shut down. I knew this too. Now I had to have weekly doctor's appointments to make sure I wasn't dying.

I lost more weight. I was 94 pounds, and I had never been happier with myself. My mom set up weekly counseling sessions with the school social worker. The counseling did help. We found out why I was doing this. It ­really had nothing to do with food; I needed control.

What really hit me, though, was when one of my friends said she didn't want to be my friend anymore. That way, she explained, when I die, it won't hurt her as much because it wouldn't be her best friend who had died. That got to me. Then another friend said, “You will die if you keep going.”

Hearing my friends say this changed me. Slowly but surely I started to gain some weight back. Let me tell you, it wasn't easy. I hated stepping onto the scale and seeing 100 again, and then 105. All that hard work was being ruined. My favorite feeling used to be my stomach growling. But I had to let it go. I didn't want to lose everything I had.

I started gaining weight and people starting telling me how beautiful I looked. So I became healthy again, and my vital signs improved. This made everyone happy. My mom was happier, my friends, my doctors. I'm still recovering, but now I know I need to stay healthy for everyone who loves me. But most importantly, I need to stay healthy for myself.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.

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z0mbie said...
Nov. 1, 2010 at 6:54 pm
This is the exact same reason I am currently making efforts to recover from anorexia :) I want healthy children one day <3 and I just want to live and enjoy life. Isn't that the point of living, anyway?
rockstar7777777 said...
Nov. 1, 2010 at 4:24 pm
this almost made me cry, it's really inspiring how you beat anorexia so that you could have a longer and happier with your friends and family. i think you're really brave for telling your story and it will help lots of people.
GuitarGirl92851 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 1, 2010 at 11:52 am
This is an inspiring story. Do you people know how many others suffer from eating disorders? Don't be disrespctful and rude; you're just going to make them feel worse about themselves. Honestly, you jerks who are saying stuff like "KILL YOURSELF" and "stoned emo kid in the story haha" need to get a life. You should be ashamed.
satan replied...
Nov. 1, 2010 at 11:55 am
 i love you
BASS BOY replied...
Nov. 1, 2010 at 11:58 am
you should play bass
Heroine said...
Nov. 1, 2010 at 11:39 am
I love you!!!!
SMWells said...
Oct. 29, 2010 at 2:21 pm
I didn't think people did things like that. I'm glad your OK now though.
imrighthereyouknow replied...
Jan. 28, 2011 at 7:00 pm
you never heard of anorexia...?
dj432 said...
Oct. 13, 2010 at 9:45 pm
You should have listened to the doctors the first time but you did recover so that is good.
AthenaBook replied...
Feb. 19, 2011 at 3:27 pm
But it is so hard to listen to something if doing this one thing (in this person's case, starving yourself) if you think you are happy doing this. Anorexia is such a hard thing to overcome... I'm so proud (even though I don't know her) that someone had the couarge to overcome this.
DaydreamBeliever This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 10, 2010 at 11:08 pm
I think the reason i love this so much is because it was so simple. you story is so moving you don't have to make the words complicated. It didnt feel as long as it was, and on a writing site, simplicity is refreshing.
Writer12 said...
Oct. 10, 2010 at 5:33 pm

I just want to know one thing:

Do you think it's possible to get over an eating disorder without help?

singergurl12 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Oct. 17, 2010 at 3:24 pm
hm... considering i cant hear your voice, i'm choosing to take that as you being funny, not calling yourself an idiot. you're not- everyone has ridiculously blonde moments, even black haired and hearted emos like me. *lol* good luck though- you really sound like a great *if a lil ditsy* person.
singergurl12 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 10, 2010 at 12:46 pm
???? REALLY????
SpringRayyn said...
Oct. 13, 2010 at 7:32 am
yeah i kinda figured you would. Sorry I blew up like that, but I'm pretty sure you aren't going to forgive me,  but sorry
SpringRayyn said...
Oct. 13, 2010 at 9:57 pm
I guess it was an idiotic thing to say, for idiotic people say idiotic things. Anyway, yeah I'm glad some people can laugh at this. C:
queenofspades This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 18, 2010 at 3:36 pm
WOW!!! that was very good! chilling and gripping, especially for nonfiction :)
Macx14 said...
Sept. 18, 2010 at 3:22 pm
I've had problems, too. It's not easy and it doesn't change over night, but you have to hang on. Keep holding on, girl, you can make it!!
singergurl12 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 10, 2010 at 7:24 pm
my body is a temple- sometimes the temple demands cheesecake- doont deny the temple its cheesecake
sunshine14 replied...
Oct. 10, 2010 at 12:15 pm
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