forever caged

I could still remember that day, when I was still eight and my older cousin went on her very first date with her boyfriend. She was fifteen back then. She looked so pretty in her white dress. My family and I walked her to the gate, my aunt saying "don't come home past 11!". She nodded, and closed the gate behind her. My aunt smiled and looked at me saying, "I guess you're going to be next huh?" Then they all cracked up at the thought, me standing in awkward silence, trying to laugh with them.

Fast forward six years, I realized my aunt wa right back then. I was next, alright, but I never expected it to be like this. Sneaking out, forced to tell lies, hiding what's almost visibly true.

When my cousin got to her first boyfriend, everyone (including my mom) got all psyched to meet the boy. we invited him for dinner, and they held hands at the table. When I got my first REAL boyfriend, I was forced to keep it a secret because my mom forbid me to get into a relationship before college. (I am still fourteen). definitely NOT fair! What's the difference between me and my cousin anyway? We're almost similar in every way possible! (we even sort of look alike)

It hurts real bad, keeping stuff fro your mother, lying to her face all the time. My heart, at this stage is torn, for the 2 most important people in my life. Half-a-heart for my mom, the other, gor him. And I can't choose between them...

I get a little guilty sometimes, when I would say to my mom ," Boys are the last thing on my mind right now..." When I really wanna say, "I have a boyfriend....So what?"
But, as soon as I look into her clear brown eyes, lies only come out of my mouth.

I know she would never understand. becuase her first and last love is my dad, and their marraige blew up in her face, it doens't mean that that's gonna happen to me in the future? Why won't she let me take a chance with guys? (some mother/daughter bond!)

I am NOT afraid....with whatever life has planned for me.

Life may throw a curve ball, sooner or later....
but whatever the consequence, I am ready to face it, and DEAL with it.

A teenager's life today is a million time different from a teenager's life back in 1980.

My so-called mother, will never understand. And I'll just have to wait 'til I come of age, and move out of her roof, out her rules. But for now, my second worst fear is, to be forever caged.

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