I feel like my mom has given up on me. Given up on trying to help me improve on my grades. Because of that it feels cold inside, like there’s no were else to turn to. Trapped in an endless torture of my shadow.
I don’t even know who I am anymore, who I’ve become. Is this how I planed it to isolate myself from everyone who loves me? To trap myself so that no one can help me, but myself. It makes me feel like an idiot. Like as if I’m hanging on a rope off a cliff, and everyone’s trying to pull me up, but I take a knife and cut myself loose. No where to go now, it’s a dead end from here. The only thing to look forward to know is rock bottom. But right now I can’t even tell whether I hanging on a rope, fighting for my life, or in the air facing my impending doom, or on the ground, barely alive.
My mom was shaking her head me in disappointment. As if everything we’ve gone through is defined as nothing, in less than a hour. That may not have been how he felt, cause don’t get me wrong she’s a wonderful mom, but I evidently know how I feel. It feels like ice wrapped around my heart, you know the kind of ice that when touched it sends a shiver down your spine. And this ice is sending chills down my blood stream reaching every part of my body. And the blood doesn’t stop there it keeps going every time passing through my heart it getting colder.
TONIGHT I SHIVER