Did You Really Have To Go

November 28, 2008
By Anonymous

The sun has begun to rise, shining so brightly through my bedroom window the clouds are white with pink and purple arms wrapping their hands around themselves to hold on close. I wish that this day would have never come, and wish he had never left. Hoping that if I lay awake as long as I can it will seem like it’s still the same day again, restarting over. But I need to get up. It’s another day which comes if I like it or not. Why did he leave, did I do anything wrong? My room begins to light up like a Disco ball, having the sun glisten off my mirror onto my face. The day is not stopping to let me get a hold of my feelings. He is gone. Get over it. He moved out. I can’t do anything about it.

“Sammy, I have to. It’s the only way I can handle myself. I’m sorry.” quickly responded Adam

“You don’t have to though...You can try another way. Can’t you?” I wondered

“No I can’t. Stop trying to change my damn mind.”

“Fine, do whatever you want. All you are doing is hurting yourself.” I said and then ran off to my room.

He had to leave to be able to control his feelings, to suppress them in a way my family didn’t like. If he stayed at home with his family no one would understand.
“He left me to rot; he promised me if he ever moved out he would take me with him, even if he left for a stupid reason like that.” I said into my pillow.
I’m still in my bed, but the day went by as slow as a snail could slither, every click of the clocks second hand feeling like an eternity. Everyone but me is helping my brother to get all of his stuff out to his truck and to his house. I am the only one not helping because I know the real reason he has left.
“Sammy come help us take Adam’s belongings to his truck” my mother yelled after me.
I didn’t say a word while pushing my pillow closer around my face, so that all I can smell is the scent of watermelon mango from my hair that wrapped around my nose like a ghost trying to give a hug for the first time.
While sitting up in my bed I realize my room is empty. No sign of Adam left behind here. Only the ghostly images of when he was here. I’m alone now. Having to figure out what to do next. My stomach flipping and turning not being happy, I am sad about everything that just happened. No one now to tell me it is ok, no one to help me get back up when I’m down. I’m lost without him with me. He’s the only one that understands how I feel. I can’t stay moping now.
“Hey sweetheart, do you want me to help you move your room around?” asked mom in a loving tone
“No mom…”as a tear went down one of my hot pink cheeks as my head is lying towards the wall on my pillow.” I’ll do it myself later.” As I wiped my tear away, trying not to make it sound like I will not change it around later. I can’t change it; if I do I will not have that ghostly image of my brother still here. We have shared a big room with a beaded divider to separate our side, for as long as I can remember.
“All right sweetie, I’ll be out in the other room watching my soap operas, ok, come get me if you want help. Ok?” as she walked away to the living room.
While I curl up into a tighter ball under my blankets and shut my eyes as tight as they can to make the tears not come out of my tear ducts. No, I have to change. It’s not fair, my life was perfect with him here. Now, I have to. There is no way not to... As I began to fall into a deep sleep I am murmuring to myself, as my whole body begins to relax and fall to sleep.

It’s a cloudy day the sun is not trying to peak out of the cloud, not even a little.

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