Fleeting Sadness

November 9, 2008
By Josh Goldstein, Lake St. Louis, MO

As fleeting as a single moment is, it only takes one to destroy your being. As fleeting as this moment may be, you will never forget it. As fleeting as that moment was, I will never forget it. But, no matter how badly it hurt I can forgive. It seems the humans' greatest quality is the capacity to forgive. . .

As she looks into my eyes and swears to me, I can't help but pity her. Pity what it must feel like to know, and willing lie to someone you had, if not have, feelings for. But then instead of pitty, there is anger, anger for I knew what she was saying was untrue. How could she be doing this to me, how can she look me in the eyes and lie, and not see my heart shatter? How can she whisper those three little words that mean so much, through her tears, as she breaks my heart? How can I still say them back and mean it, even when she kills me? Why can I still love her as she crushes me?

I grab her hand, in hopes that maybe I was lied to in the begining. Maybe, if by some chance it was a mistake, I could stay here, with her. My hope soars uncontrolled as my heart slightly allows itself a shimmer of light. My eyes well as a single tear hugs my cheak. I still can't bare to look at her, I can't take my eyes away from the ground. She grips my hand tighter as she sees my shoulders bounce, trying to hold the sadness inside. She's sorry, I hear her voice break through my barrier. I can't understand if she was sorry for the pain, or lying and I can't ask, because I am not supposed to know the truth. I have to choke down my emotions and lift my eyes to hers. She goes to leave, I pull her back, and embrace her as I lock her full lips to mine. Another tear comes down my cheek. Everything is gone for that brief time, while I allow myself to her and she to me. Nothing matters while lovers embrace and everything is forgotten, but the pain floods back as we separate and she leaves to go back to work.

Tears readily come as loneliness embraces me and I watch her walk away. As I'm forced to watch such beauty leave me, such divine elegance that I know I don't deserve but have been presently blessed with. As I see her cry it kills me inside to know that she is sad, but I can not help but think she deserves it. Quickly I toss the notion aside, I could never wish pain upon her, she means to much to me, no matter what she's done.

I turn the key in the ignition and slowly creep forward to leave, as I pass her, I role the window down and tell her I love her, she loves me too. Nothing feels better than to hear her say it, even if she doesn't mean it, my heart believes it.

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