Panic Attack

October 28, 2008
I sunk my face deep into your warm neck and let the acid fall from my tear ducts. I could feel the strong emotion pulsing from the scars on my heart. I knew the tension within my body would only grow if I let my feelings show through. With you I couldn’t hold back, though. I had no chance of keeping the stress trapped within. So I let go completely, crying so hard my breathing stuttered and my heart began to panic. My brain pushed words and thoughts like horror films straight through my pumping veins, antagonizing me. I heard the thoughts I kept away echoing throughout my entire world. Nothing existed at that moment, everything was black. I could feel myself slipping quickly down the slippery road to destruction as my heart panicked even further. My lungs wanted to suddenly collapse and take away the feeling of stinging oxygen against my throat. Yet, at those last slippery moments where I felt everything falling down, my arm swung up to hold on to you. I grasped and tore at your skin. I wouldn’t fall again. I wouldn’t let my body go into a coma only to try painfully to wake myself back up. I wouldn’t let my organs panic and stiffen until they were numb. I was staying right here, with you, forever. I held on as tight as I could. I shook and heaved and kept my mind aware of everything around me. I could only feel you. My heart continued to pound within me. I could feel each beat like a shock of poisonous adrenaline. Air sped in and out of my lungs with no time for me to taste it. Breathing was hard, painful, a full time job. For a second I wanted to stop completely, until I felt you move. You took a long drink of air in and slowly let it out, pulling me against you. You were breathing for me, so I didn’t have to try so hard. That’s how it felt. You were taking away an everyday action that I just simply couldn’t handle at that moment. I felt you repeat the motion again. I felt like I had melted in to you. Like my face had sunk deep into your neck and our lungs were working together to keep me in one piece. You breathed deeply once more and I was finally in time with you. You kept me on the ground, in my seat, away from the pain I was sure to endues on myself. If you weren’t wrapped around me so tightly I was sure to fall right out of my skin and into the street. I know now that no matter where you are or where I am, you are my soul mate. You are my guardian angel that will protect me from myself and the world. With you wrapped around me I can overcome anything. You are my titanium armor, my stainless steel love, my everything.

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SAM said...
Nov. 14, 2008 at 4:17 pm
I love this. I am not 100% sure if i agree with the title but it is great. So relateable and true. You really made me feel like I was in the moment, that I was truly there. Congrats and keep writing!
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