Sick of Being Sick MAG

October 13, 2008
By Michael Moser, Flower Mound, TX

I woke up this morning like you, took a shower, and brushed my teeth while planning my homework. I got a phone call around noon and spent an hour of joy telling my girlfriend how much I love her. I ate a bowl of ramen, started my homework, and took my pills. Three, actually, to combat the side effects of the shot I injected myself with last night. Why, you ask, did I do that? Simple: I am a teenager living with multiple sclerosis, or MS, and I take my shots knowing that if I don’t, my body’s defenses will destroy me.

Multiple sclerosis is an autoimmune disease in which the immune system attacks the nerves and restricts the signals from flowing in the brain, if it ­allows them to transmit at all. It attacks seemingly ­randomly, from one area to the next, anything from sensory perception to control over legs and arms. Though the disease took away control of half my face and reduced control over half my body, I consider ­myself lucky. It could have targeted my respiratory or ­circulatory systems.

Ironically, MS is most common in older people. Though rarely fatal, MS can steal your life away in a coma, or drag you into a vegetative state. Breathing through tubes, living only thanks to machines. Living, but not living. A fate worse than death. A fate only staved off by the injections I administer every week, which serve to slow the disease though not cure it. Did I mention I hate needles?

When I heard my diagnosis, to put it simply, I was crushed by my sickness. Crushed by the idea of such an uncontrollable disease looming over me, able to strike at any time without mercy or pity. Crushed by the thought of my bright future now dimmed prematurely. Crushed by the terror of my own body turning against me, and me not being able to do anything to stop it. I couldn’t help myself or stop this disease from taking over. I was paralyzed by my fate.

But people may pass me today and think nothing except Why is that guy wearing all black in the Texas summer? I don’t look sickly, and people balk when I tell them I have MS. The same disease is there, still incurable and malicious, but now I am a brighter, ­happier individual, boldly looking to the future and living the high life. What happened?

It’s simple. I was sick of being sick.

For years I knew I could not change my fate, yet I dwelt on it. I still do, sometimes. It’s human nature. But I realized there is more to life than fear. Worrying about things you can’t control only wastes time. What kind of life would you rather live? One fraught with worry about impending doom only to see your fears realized after an eternity of dying. Or a life lived in the moment, reveling in the here and now, with eyes full front, ­appreciating the past and accepting that there is an end to every party.

It’s quite simple, really. Live in the moment. Don’t worry about what you can’t control. My own life is full of imminent dangers, potential horrors, and fates even worse than death, as is yours. Yet some things will happen, regardless of how much thought we put into them. What’s the point of using life to fear death? Enjoy the life given to you, while you have it, and know that when you die you have lived a life worth living, using every breath to do, not just to think.

My happiness still prevails. I have loved and continue to love. I laugh. I smile. I walk with a spring in my step. I revel in my life, despite my affliction. I cherish the time given to me, knowing that it could be cut short at any moment. I live despite my disease; in fact, you could say I treasure my life all the more, knowing that time only comes once and is gone in a flash. I savor my life while I still can. To do any less, in my opinion, is to live by dying. Which sounds ­better to you?



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This article has 106 comments.


akkay said...
on Dec. 26 2010 at 2:36 am

fantastic.....this is the way u hav to live life......cherish every beautiful moments that u hav

coz life is short and u hav to live ot up


Chanchie GOLD said...
on Dec. 26 2010 at 2:27 am
Chanchie GOLD, Trivandrum, Other
17 articles 4 photos 26 comments

Favorite Quote:
A writer who writes without zest, without gusto, without fun, without love is only half a writer.
-Ray Bradbury

You have such a great atttitude even though all this is happening to you! I wish everyone in what they think are bad problems would be like you...:)

on Dec. 26 2010 at 2:20 am
Jayde_Marie_95 GOLD, Los Banos, California
10 articles 0 photos 16 comments
I believe that if you keep that positive attitude, you may just live longer than you, or any doctors may think.

on Dec. 4 2010 at 9:00 pm
Novelwriter14 GOLD, Durango, Colorado
16 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Either write somehting worth reading, or do something worth writing."-Benjamin Franklin

Wow, I love your postive attitude. I wish that there were more people out there like you who believe in the whole 'live in the moment' thing. Keep going, keep living!

on Dec. 4 2010 at 3:57 pm
RemmiWrote SILVER, Goshen, New York
6 articles 9 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
Be patient
Life is hard
Be couragous.<3Francis Hoffman RIP

Amazing! im sorry about your disease. I hope you write a lot of stories that are this inspiring:)

on Dec. 4 2010 at 3:10 pm
ClarinetGirl76, Dudley, Massachusetts
0 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.- Walter Winchell

I, out of alot of people, know what it's like to be different, it's good to know there are other people out there who know to.

on Oct. 21 2010 at 7:52 pm
InsaneKitten BRONZE, Miami, Florida
3 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
Even shadows need light..... "Melissa Marr, Ink Exchange" :D

T.T this is o sad yet happy at the same time..... glad ur living ur life ur a very brave person.... idk the serenity prayer comes to mind

God grant me the serenity 
to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can;and wisdom to know the difference.


on Oct. 21 2010 at 3:30 pm
Gabiiiii BRONZE, Independence, Oregon
4 articles 1 photo 21 comments

Favorite Quote:
"In a world where billions believe their deity conceived a mortal child with a virgin human, it's stunning how little imagination most people display." --Chuck Palahnuik

That was commendable. I'm sure it's already been said, but absolutely amazing. I wish i could look at life as you do, but sadley, somehow, you are a happier person than me. You can see the sun in the middle of the storm, and for that, kudos.

on Oct. 21 2010 at 1:01 pm
BlindSamurai GOLD, Bridgewater, New Jersey
11 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
A man who stands for nothing will fall for anything.
-Malcolm X

A really upifting article, truly so, and I wish you the best with all you do. Don't stop writing!

jmklqwty1524 said...
on Oct. 13 2010 at 11:16 am
You really know how to look at the glass half full not half empty

mandygale77 said...
on Sep. 7 2010 at 3:04 pm
Wow, that was really good. I totally know what you mean though, about being sick of being sick. I got swine flu last November, and one of the complications ended up being reactive arthritis, which is also an autoimmune disorder, so...yeah. It's so cool, how strong you are about it! I'm a bit of a wimp, LOL.

Miza said...
on Aug. 22 2010 at 1:07 pm

I have MS. Was diagnosed about 1 month ago. Apparently I've had it for the past 10 years.

I know what you mean.

I know how you feel.

Great writing paper, congratulations!

And remember, the happiest people in the world are not the ones who have everything. Are the ones who make the most of everything they have.

xx


on Jul. 25 2010 at 7:12 pm
HotTeenWriter24x7 BRONZE, Poughkeepsie, New York
2 articles 0 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Forbidden to Remember, Terrified to Forget."

wow...this is an awesome message for teens who have other diseases...its really well written and totally inspires us to live life to the fullest...no matter what life gives us to deal with...god bless ;]

on Jul. 25 2010 at 12:59 pm
GodsStudent BRONZE, Abc, Other
2 articles 0 photos 24 comments

5 stars, this is expertly written and uplifting!

 

How long have you been writing?


on Jul. 3 2010 at 10:28 pm
penandpaper67 BRONZE, Commerce Township, Michigan
3 articles 0 photos 6 comments
Wow. This article is so well-written, and it's amazing that you find so much joy in life. It especially touched me because one of my teachers and mentors who is very close to me has MS, and she is an extremely vibrant person as well. 

on Jul. 3 2010 at 9:38 pm
TheMalfunctioningWallflower BRONZE, Houston, Texas
1 article 0 photos 45 comments

Favorite Quote:
"GET THE CAT!!!"

"I did wood paneling."

"Do not FEAR the Crooked Zipper!! EMBRACE the Crooked Zipper!!!"

"What's better than infinity?"

"Wear your helmets, we'll be reaching speeds of three!"

"You could walk on your hands and catch up to him!"

that was so sad I only read half of it and tears were welling up in my eyes. Touching.

on Jul. 3 2010 at 8:57 pm
Someone_Who_Is_Loved GOLD, Mount Forest, Other
10 articles 0 photos 82 comments

Favorite Quote:
This quote is one I made up.....
"You can't climb a mountian without a harness." It means that you can't go where you want to get in life without the help of your friends or family.

I have a PACEMAKER so I know what it's like to have a different life from other people. (A pacemaker is a small device that was inserted into me when I was a baby to help my heart beat.)

You're a good writer too!!!!! :P


fairee GOLD said...
on Jul. 3 2010 at 6:06 pm
fairee GOLD, Fort Collins, Colorado
13 articles 5 photos 33 comments

my grandma has MS so this is really touching to me. i'm at a loss for words...

 

wow.


on Jul. 3 2010 at 3:41 pm
livsinthecity SILVER, Toronto, Ontario
6 articles 13 photos 40 comments

Favorite Quote:
Love means never having to say you are sorry.
-Erich Segal (in Love Story)

i am totally at a loss for words....i'll pray for you

 


juliette said...
on Jul. 3 2010 at 11:36 am
juliette, Gdynia, Other
0 articles 1 photo 18 comments

This made me cry. Really. That's rare...

I'm totally at loss for words.

My prayers are with you.





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