Under The Covers

October 17, 2008
By Dillon Mccullagh, Algonquin, IL

Everyone goes through a rough patch in their lives. We all have our depressing times and we all don't feel like getting up sometimes in the morning, only to find out that the day was better than anticipated. Dreading to get out of bed everyday isn't exactly the best feeling in the world. We all want things to get better but never put forth the effort to do so hoping change will come on its own approach us instead of us approaching it. We never anticipate what is going to happen whether it will be good or bad and how things turn out but its a risk we all take when we walk out our front doors every morning.

We live in a stereotypical world where if your a guy and you listen to pop music instead of the usual rap music your instantly put into the “he's gay category” or if your a girl and listen to heavy metal and where all black clothing and die their hair different colors they're instantly put in the “she's lesbian category” or even no category at all, because they isn't' as big of a double standard there is with guys rather than girls. We all get torn down and we get tore limb from limb, coming home crying because your day has been so horrible and just wanting to get away from everything and everyone and trying to get yourself up in the morning is a tough thing to do especially when every bone in your body is telling you not too.

A lot of us hide from the world, hiding from people, or hiding from something that makes you feel inferior to everyone and everything around you. Thinking even if you don't want to that everyone is staring at you or when someones laughs its toward you. Staying in the back of the room rather than the front observing everyone live their happy lives knowing that you don't have that but wanting to do everything in your power to have what the so called “popular” people have.

Finding the strength to get up and pick up the pieces is the hardest thing people have to do. Whether its just trying to move on from a dark state of mind, going in to a dark place and trying to get yourself out of it is a scary thing to do. Having suicidal thought because you don't want to face whats to come. Or loosing a loved one finding the strength to emerge a smile or laugh or even enjoy life when the person isn't here to guide you on your way to help you through the dark times, having no support system. Death is a confusing thing to deal with it will tear you up you will feel the urge to scream at the top of your lungs on the tallest building. If there is one thing I have learned through my short 15 years of life so far is that the format of high school never really ends and that even through the toughest times you can move on from just about anything. It seems impossible to do so trying to fight the urge to hide under the covers and cry all day, but that wont due anything listen to the voice in the back of your head saying get up to do it walk out your door with a smile and don't take any breath for granted because you never know when it may get taken away from you.

I went through a tough time in my life where it seemed like it was the end. I hated looking in the mirror and seeing what i thought was a monster staring back at me, and getting up in the morning rather than staying home was one of the toughest thing Ive had to do. For awhile I couldn't eat and found myself in a depression that seemed impossible to get out of. My world came tumbling down at a young age. My grandmother on my mothers side passes away. I was to little to understand death but new she was sick enough. Sometimes I feel so guilty because I don't remember her like I should or don't remember when I even last saw her before she was sick and that gets to me a lot not remembering the good times rather than remembering the bad toward the end.

After that we relocated to Algonquin pretty good. When middle school began is when I became popular and man did that feel good, when you grow up being the new kid and everyone giving you funny looks because your from the big city, you could probably tell I didn't have much friends. In 6th grade i did a lot but by the time it was 7th grade my world tumbled and sunk faster than the Titanic when it hit the ice burg. All my “cool” new friends ditched me for reasons i don't like to talk about so i was left alone. I went through days alone having no support system and coming home was no different having family problems at the wrong time only added more stress. Everyday in 7th grade i would walk home from school either fighting tears or having them stream down my face. I didn't think there was a light at the end of my tunnel but i new deep down I couldn't go on like this much longer or I was going to crack.

It was then I decided for a change in my life. Make new friends try to feel less self conscience and open myself up for. Change wasn't going to knock on my door like a pizza man I had to go pick it up and deliver it myself. So a change did occur I made new friends gained enough confidence to get myself through the day and high school only saw new changes some good and some bad, and new friends which are in for the long hall. Middle School as much as I hated it helped me realize so much stuff that I am thankful and if Middle School was a person I would gladly love to shake their hand.

Things are better now, and for the first time I am content with my life. My family life has gotten better too. My wonderful mother who I am proud to admit I take after almost like an identical twin have grown somewhat closer, and i can say that for the rest of my family too even though they do annoy me and do get on my nerves thats what family is suppose to do get under each others skin every once in awhile.

If there is a lesson I learned through all this is: Dreams don't work without doing something, nobody cant stop me but me and god does it exist even in the most difficult of times look deep inside you and you will find that comfort that voice that says there is nothing to be afraid of. And if everyone keeps hiding in the back of the room and in their sadness their going to miss out because the truth of the matter is there is nothing to be afraid of its only life. Now when I walk out my front door I take it all in thankful for another day, I take a deep breath and head of to my day not anticipating or expecting anything just living life. So I hope that it continues, because we all could have a little faith and all give it a fighting chance.

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