How to Enter a Room Like a Ninja

October 6, 2013
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So you wanna know how to act like a ninja, with the ultimate goal being able to enter a room so fantastically ninja-like that everyone freezes and goes, “What in the world?” Well then, my friend, this is the article for you.

Disclaimer: some of the steps may be dangerous to your physical self. Be careful. (Heck with that! Since when are real ninjas careful?!)

Step 1: Dress the part.

No one’s going to take you seriously if you drop or roll into a room randomly, without even looking like a ninja. I mean, c’mon…

You’ll need:

Black pants or leggings

A black turtleneck

Black socks

Shoes are optional (if you want to be a noisy ninja, be my guest)

A ski mask (or a Robin mask. Y’know, Batman’s Robin…I recommend a ski mask. It’s more mysterious.)
So now that you’ve got your basic look down, it’s time to look at the other steps.

Step 2: Pick a room

Are you trying to creep people out, here, or do you just want to experiment with your ninja-side by yourself? For the former, a living room, dining room, business meeting, restaurant, etc, is a good place to start. As you gain confidence in your entering-a-room-like-a-ninja skills, even more populous places, like Disney World or a Broadway show would be the ultimate ninja experience.

If you’re a more reserved, shyer ninja (which many are; why do you think they wear masks?), a less trafficked area is your safest bet. Your own room, a quiet lobby, etc, is where you want to start.

Step 3: Learn the moves

No one likes a fake ninja. No one. So learn the moves, brotha. Here are the basics:
Learn the tuck and roll.
Or the signature: the taunting ‘bring it’ gesture; with one hand extended out, and the other back by your shoulder; flex the extended hand’s fingers in a forward, backwards motion repeatedly.
Wall climbing.*
The gravity-defying jump, where you jump off the ground and soar for several feet (the best can make yards!), one foot extended in an effort to knock out the bad guy. (There’s no recipe for landing this one safely; try your best.)
The point here, is that to be a ninja, you gotta move like one. Do not move on to Step 4 without successfully completing the basic aforementioned moves.

*There have been rumors of ninjas being able to walk vertically on walls, but I think those people just watched the new Spiderman** movie, and are a bit confused. In any case, if you try it, film it. If it’s a success, then we know that there’s a Spiderman-ninja hybrid out there somewhere.
**No, Spiderman is NOT a ninja! They are two very distinct, separate being…

Step 4: Choose your method of entry

You may want to skip this one, but please don’t. If you skip this step, your entry will, most likely, be rather boring. And ninjas are not known for their boringness, are they?

Methods of entry (in order of safety, 1 being the safest)
Roll into a room
Jump into a room, using high-pitched ‘hee-ya!’
Drop through the ceiling (Note: extensive landing practice is a prerequisite)
Crash through a window or door (Careful: there’s glass)
Teleport using a puff of smoke (This one is the most dangerous, because there have been reports of ninjas disappearing during teleportation, and never seen again. You may want to study the art of magic, before attempting this.)

Step 5: Enter a room

So you’ve dressed like a ninja, you’ve picked a room, you’ve learned some ninja moves, and you’ve chosen your method of entry. The only thing that’s left now, is to do it!

Go have some ninja fun!

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