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I Miss You Still This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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Sometimes I have dreams I can’t explain. They usually involve vast winter landscapes – white in every­ ­direction. There aren’t penguins or polar bears (I’m not a child anymore); instead there are half-filled footprints and paths that lead nowhere.

Most of the time, he is there. We walk along one of the paths together, pointing with gloveless hands at things in the distance – trees and bushes with berries. Tiny animals too.

Twice, he brought ice skates. The first time, we went to a pond and I stared into the ice at the fish frozen there. Their colors were amazingly vibrant, like flowers in springtime or brand-new cars. They were orange and red and yellow. I wanted to see them swim. Distracted, I barely noticed the sound of his skates on the ice as he traced figure eights. When he noticed my inattention, he laughed and sent me home. Said he had to practice some more. Alone. Said I’d get hurt if I stayed.

The second time he brought skates I gave him some coffee (for concentration, I said), and we laughed the ­entire time we walked on the path to the pond. When we got there, he told me I could make snow angels while he skated. I agreed it would be fun, and when we finished that day, I was soaked with melted snow.

See, the worst part about a regular nice dream is waking up from it. But when you have a dream that keeps coming back, it’s heartbreaking to ­realize that, sometime, it will stop.

He stayed in my dreams for nearly a month, and always, I wished it was winter. I’d close my eyes and think of him and smile, and things would go smoothly in dreamland. Then after a while, when I dreamt, my snow angels were falling on top of each other and his figure eights were cutting too close to the edge of the pond. And then, finally, the white winter world crumbled away.

And then, nothing.

Now I sit and stare at my ceiling, wondering why it reminds me of snow.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.






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This article has 11 comments. Post your own now!

brittyray said...
Apr. 22, 2009 at 4:25 pm
i loved it! i can totally identify w/ several parts of it...my bf (well, i guess he's not my bf anymore lol) broke up w/ me in the winter :(
 
broken inside said...
Feb. 21, 2009 at 3:13 pm
i love this it is very good you are like a pro
 
????emoelmo???? said...
Jan. 26, 2009 at 11:17 pm
I totally get what you mean. FOr like a month now i've had this feeling in my gut about something, but i cant tell what it is and its really annoying. I know its about a guy but i dont know which guy or what about the guy. It gets on my nerves. ANYWAYS... I love it. Its really good. Not crazy about the ending though....
 
9900661 said...
Jan. 26, 2009 at 9:03 pm
it is a amazeing piece of work it made me real heatbroken bc i 2 have lost a love one
 
weapon woman said...
Jan. 21, 2009 at 6:30 am
it was touching.
 
qutie said...
Jan. 20, 2009 at 12:23 pm
it wz a nice piece of work
 
mkayla said...
Dec. 29, 2008 at 8:10 pm
written beautifully.
 
Katie said...
Dec. 12, 2008 at 8:28 pm
Absolutely beautiful. Winter, in my opinion, is the most romantic time of year.
 
BOOKWORM0359 said...
Dec. 12, 2008 at 5:34 pm
This is a great peice, i have these sorts of dreams happen to me all the time, and then get heartbroken when they stop.
 
tweedle dee said...
Dec. 12, 2008 at 3:50 pm
this is so sad!
 
eric said...
Dec. 12, 2008 at 2:29 pm
its is hard when u still miss someone its hard to explain but i feel u
 
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