The feelings I have

September 8, 2008
I have Bi-polar.Im only 16 years old and it has change my life drastically.I cant go to school without feeling like im going to have a heartatack!!! Iam done feeling like this...i need an education...Most importantly,i need to keep my family
.So mom,dad and marisa heres how i really feel........... im sitting here...just sitting here.thinking about what Im doing to my family,and to my friends.i cant take the pain anymore.i need HELP! im hurting myself,my friends and the most important ones...my family.the ones who actually love me for who iam.i really need someone to talk to about this problem.its taring me apart inside knowing that the ones i love are slowly dissapearing out of my life.i love my mom,sister and dad.even though he isnt my "real" dad...he was there for me when my father walked out on me.he was there through thick and thin...when times got hard,he told me how to get through it.

i cant stand seeing my mom cry...my mom is the most important person in my whole life!!!My sister and dad are too...but shes the most important.she gave me life!My mom has bi-polar too.She is 39 years old.She has suffered enough from it...now im just making it worst.i make her cry almost every single solitary day!and i cant stand it anymore.its hard to see your mom...the one who gave you life.is slowly dying because of you.its really hard to know that one day just one day she might actually be hospitalized because of you or maybe even DEAD!its heartbreaking because every single day i would have to live with the guilt of knowing that my mom is in the hospital or even 6 feet under for that matter...i want to live a normal life!!!!

Even though he may not be my real dad...he has been there for me through my whole life.Well maybe not my whole life.actually you could say my whole life.He has helped me with problems no one else would understand.i dont want to see him dissapear from our lives like my stupid father did.ross...ross is the type of guy that no one can understand when he is talking...but when you can understand when he is talking,its usually good.not nonsense...yeah he may babble on sometimes.but all you have to do is listen carefully and you will understand exactly what he is saying.Honestly,i can actually call him my dad! I know its a "shocker"but from what i know...hes the best damn dad i've ever had!!!!

My little sister means the world to me! if anything happened to her...mostlikely i wouldnt make it in life.i would die! im slowly losing my mom,dad,and little sister.And im losing my family.you know the other family not just your family you live with...the ones you DONT live with......I just HATE feeling like this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





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