Broken

By
The concrete was stained a fait red, the dust from the ground below seeping into every crack. Little black dots of weathered gum littered the sidewalk, each a marker of disrespect and laziness. The green palm trees standing silent guard against the middle school’s gate swayed back and forth in the light trade winds.

I was already feeling badly. A unique opportunity had presented itself to me, and there I was, completely at a loss for what to do. My black and pink Famous jacket didn’t feel thick enough to keep my body heat in. Curled up in a little ball, arms atop my knees, I pondered. Should I confess? What if things turned awkward? What if I lost a friend? Would there be anything to gain if I spoke up? Would there be anything to gain if I pointed him in another direction with a smile and a nod?

The bane of my existence stepped out of the room with a look of apprehension stamped on his features. He was taller then me, a fact he’d never let me live down. What a jerk. I’d been trying to escape that confused look in his golden eyes. Why, oh, why couldn’t he just go away? He took a seat beside me, wrapping his arms around his legs.
“So…” What a conversation starter. It was enough though. He was always able to get me to spill my guts.
“I’m thinking.” True enough. “But not about what you think.” A little inner voice finished. Stupid conscience.
“How many times did you guys go out?” I felt so nosy for asking. I hated myself.
“Six—no wait,” He counted on his fingers, “Four times”
“Wow.” Trust me; it wasn’t an impressed ‘wow’. It was more an ‘oh-my-goodness-how-can-you-still-think-it’s-going-to-work wow.
He proceeded to explain each incident. I stared at him, not at his face of course. Keep it respectful, but don’t let him see your face. I mentally traced the blue and green designs on his jacket, trying to concentrate on the pattern they made against the black background.
“It’s not very fair to keep doing that to her,” I paused, choosing my next words carefully, “Well, you’re obviously not happy with your first choice, so I’m not too sure what to tell you.” I remembered how this demented conversation began. It’d been obvious from the beginning who he would choose.

The other girl stepped out of the classroom. The second choice. It seemed kind of rude, but obviously using names would be a bad idea. Someone could overhear and repeat it.

“What are you guys doing?” My friend. Would I be able to betray her like that? No, I would just have to keep my mouth shut. Besides, I was no competition with that. Soft black hair, tiny perfect body. To even compare us was laughable.
“Of course, there’s always plan c, my dear fellow.”

I swear my heart ground to a halt in my chest. I couldn’t breathe. It felt like something had jumped down my wind-pipe, blocking my intake of air. I let my head hang, blonde hair creating a shield, blocking my face from view. I stopped my hopes from sky-rocketing.

“Did you just call me a dear fellow?” Wow. I am so brilliant.
“Yep”

“Oh-Kay.” ‘Choice B’ looked between us. She appeared to be a little confused.

“We’re not talking about much, just world domination.” She nodded, completely desensitized to my far-fetched answers.
“Courtney’s trying to figure out what I meant by that.” Stupid self-satisfied grin. Stupid boy. I didn’t even gratify him with a nod. Not jumping to conclusions was taking up most of my sparse brain-power.

She left us to our conversation, probably frustrated by our lack of response. Don’t go!

I gave up trying to hide my face once she was gone. I’m not totally sure what expression was plastered on my face at that time.

“Well, I was thinking maybe Francine…”

My ears were roaring. Numbness and hurt and maybe anger spread through my limbs. I was broken. Completely shattered. My best friend in the world. As if she didn’t vastly over-shadow me in everything else. I wanted to die. But I could understand the thought processes behind it.

I plastered a smile on my face, hoping for the world it looked convincing. “I hope you didn’t put too much hope into that one. She’d squish you like a bug. The truth. Nobody deserved that, even if I did want to throw said person over the balcony.

Why? Why did he ask me for relationship advice? Why did everyone? I have no clue, no experience, nothing. So why? Through my slight panic attack came a glimmer of light. He trusted me. No matter what was to come I would hang on to that glimmering strand of hope for dear life.

“I know. It was just an idea.”

“I’ll think some more. Just give me a little more time. But right now I’m leaning towards the second choice.” I stood up, not wanting to be anywhere near him anymore.

“Okay.” He also got to his feet, following me into the classroom. Idiot. I sat down at my desk, laying my head against the cool plastic wood. Still broken. From the way everyone avoided me, I’m sure that the hopelessness radiated from me like ripples in a puddle. Broken.





Join the Discussion

This article has 3 comments. Post your own now!

fersurecircus said...
Nov. 16, 2008 at 6:23 am
as your friend....i say its awesome. it completely reflects the way you feel. and thats great in writing. umm yes, i think you are amazing buddie. :) things will fall into place btw :)
 
Ririi said...
Nov. 9, 2008 at 5:42 am
I love your style of writing. And the previous commenter's lack of proper diction. :] You have great word choice; I can feel everything you've put emanating from every word, like I am your pencil.
 
hp rowling said...
Sept. 28, 2008 at 10:28 am
i love ur style of writing
 
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