so. blank page not for long. free write all the time never not too long. i guess you could say i have problems. i guess you could say everyone does. i guess you could say i need. i guess you could say we're all never free. open up your arms and just let me fall into them. i'm sorry for my sorrows taking you down with them i'm sorry for my eyes to be soaking you wet. i'm sorry for not being good enough for you when clearly you think i am. is it true everyone is harder on themselves then everyone else. true. is it true all in love is fair. opinions consist of overanalyzing life, dreams, dreams you never had, never knew, never even thought of never even wanted. yours or someone elses? keep it real. don't change liek everyone says. harder to do than say. harder to stay strong compared to turning away. whats the point some people feel like. whats the point??? whats the point to find the point? i guess. keep pushing throuhg. more people relate. free write your life story. who cares if you dont read it again. who cares if no one else reads it. its out there even when its hidden in your room, under your matress under your smile under your laugh. its your scream, your body running away, its your "what they never knew." its your "you don't know. don't even say you understand." i hate that. when people say just try me. i bet i'll understand more than you think. yeah right. there may be more to you than it seems but there is deffinitely more to me than youu could ever even have a glimpse of. drowning myself with the wind around my ears. pushing until it pops. you flatten my buttons more and more everyday. don't think i don't want to rip them off so you cant anymore. don't think i don't want to give up. go on and think that. go on adn think anything i bet your wrong. cause your wrong i'm right thats how life becomes simpler. you never question anything because you always just assume your right. yeah i'm right. no i'm reall ynot. now look at all the wonder in the world. look at it all. i bet you can't see it. you never can. just like the fresh cut grass, just like the smell of the burning camp[fire wood. is that really the only hting burning in this place? is it reall yall you see burning, feel burning, smell burning. its all fake. like a gas fire. theres no smell, no burn, nothing burning. is it all in my head? depression no one lieks to admit. its all a state of mind. if you practice being happy you will eventually become happy. if you practice being sad, you will eventually be sad. its all a state of mind. think optimistically and you'll find yourself. go get what you don't even think you want. take risks. enjoy life with every joke that isn't funny, laugh or atleast smile so that oneday, even if your sick of faking the msmiles, oneday, it will be a real one. and i can garuntee you'll notice the difference. you'll feel happy and you'll wish you never have to go back. just forwards because when your happy, your looking forward to being happy in the future. so take the present one day at a time because they call today the present for one reason. tomorrow is a gift that you haven't recieved yet. so once its there it will be the present you opened to find more light that leads you out of the tunnel that you've been trapped in your whole life, or as far back as you can remember. just some thoughtss of free wirte right now. hope its worth reading for everyone because i never reread my writing. i live for the present. and i am truly satisfied with that.
September 7, 2008