My breathing. That’s all I focused on as I stepped onto the block. The pool looked so clear, I easily see myself staring down while listening to the silence. I love the silence, it’s really nice. The smell of the chlorine burns my nose when I take a deep breath. Setting my feet on the edge, my back bent downward. I let the beating of my heart be my gun. When it thudded for the third time, I shot off cutting into the water with a perfect dive. My body curved underwater, I paddled to the very middle of the pool letting myself sink down to the bottom. I stared up, watching the surface go very still. This is the only place I want to be. I never want to resurface again, and face the dark side of my life. Why can’t life be clear like the pool? Then I would never be stuck at the bottom. I knew I couldn’t stay here; it just wouldn’t be fair to make my life at the bottom. I knew if I sink, I can try to make it back up. But if I don’t, then that’s where my life will stay. I surfaced from the water, not needing to inhale sharp breaths of air surprisingly. I started to paddle forward. Focused on nothing but my breathing.
Life at the Bottom
March 16, 2013