Painful Feelings

January 8, 2008
By Michelle Peck, Baytown, TX

Have you ever had feelings for some one and all they are pain? You try to look past the hurt and the anger but all you find is self pity? I can’t handle not being with some one who cares. True I care more than people should, when I argue with someone I care about I cant sleep at night until its settled. Has any one ever given you the feeling that your floating and falling at the same time, the feeling is so intense that you need to step away from it and just get your head straight? The feeling that no matter what you do you will never get the person you fell in love with back? I have and his name is Cody Jackson chain. He makes my life turn upside down and flip around until I’m like a grain of sand in a tornado of my thoughts and feelings. All I can here is “Michelle get over him” but I cant I cant let myself let him go. He has moved on, I have even gotten a new boyfriend and it still ruins my day when I do not get a good morning text message from him. Crazy huh? I know. Its truly amazing what a first love can do to you. I will always remember Cody Jackson chain. No one will ever be able to say “I was Michelle peck first love” other than Cody. Every time I talk to him its all I can do to not just say look you idiot I love you with all my heart and nothing can change that thanks, thanks a whole hell of a lot for making this harder then its needs to be. I have broken up with so many guys seriously I don’t get why I cant just let him go. Part of it is because I don’t want to. I still want to be with him and I know he still wants to be with me. We just can’t and its slowly killings us. He is happy with his new girl friend, swell… yeah I am ecstatic (did you catch the hint of sarcasm? I think so) on the other hand I have a new boyfriend who I love but gosh I still have pictures up of me and Cody and it be four month since I broke up with him four freaking months and I am still dwelling on it. Holly cow do I need a wake up call.. I just wish that he could understand what James did he needs to know that when he introduced us he was not aware that he had just introduced me to the boy that would steal my heart and for ever change my life. He was not aware that he had personally introduced me to the boy that would eventually crush me. He was not aware that this would be the begging of something I never thought could happened to me, this was the begging of my first love.

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