My Writing Story

January 3, 2008
By Kara Trimby, Decatur, IL

She goes straight to her favorite thinking spot, again. That spot just so happens to be right at her computer desk. Knowing she is going to write another paper she turns on her music, like always, because it gives her inspiration or changes her mood. Hoping that her music will give her some ideas, she sits and listens to it for a while before she starts typing. Writing is very important to her because it is a way to express her feelings without having to get the courage to say it out loud, but she never seems to get ideas when she needs them. She has no clue what to write. She thinks to herself that maybe getting some food would help her out. She decides to get up and go to the kitchen, but when she is in the kitchen she realizes she isn’t hungry at all, she is just trying to procrastinate from doing her writing assignment. She goes back to her computer desk and sits down again. She gets one idea and starts typing it, but she backspaces the next line every time she types it. She just can’t be satisfied with her own sentence.

So, you see, I have a writing problem and I can’t seem to fix it. I’m always doubting that next line I have to write. Thinking it just doesn’t work where I put it. I read over my writing so many times I begin to have second thoughts about the whole story and I just want to re-do it. Knowing I have to be done with the writing assignment in a certain amount of time, I leave my story alone, though hating every word of it.

I wonder if I just push myself too hard. It can’t be the pressure to have the perfect paper, can it? Maybe it can, maybe that’s it. Maybe that’s why I always wait till the last minute to get started because I just don’t want to feel all that pressure again. I know I’m perfectly capable of writing a good story, I just always have those second thoughts of what my friends are going to say about it. They encourage me to write and yet I make it so hard on myself because I am, for some reason, worried about their reactions and opinions. Why do their opinions matter so much to me? It’s my paper, shouldn’t my opinion matter the most?

One thing I have never understood was that I worry so much about how others are going to react to my writing, but I always get so excited when I finish my story that my mom has to read it not even ten seconds after I am done. It’s like her opinion is the most important one out there. She always gives me input on what I should change or take out, so I know she isn’t going to just chew my paper to pieces.

I know my writing has become more mature from what it used to be. I am straight forward with my writing but still afraid to share it with others. It’s just that second thought. Always that dreaded second thought from my peers. I wouldn’t mind so much if total strangers read my paper, but no, I have to write my story that people I know quite well will read. I’m not sure why I still worry about my writing in this way, because I have already wrote a story that is very near to me and won an award for it. I wrote that five years ago and I wasn’t worried about my writing then, but now it’s all I think about as I write. I’m working on getting that thought out of my head, but it’s taking some time. Maybe someday I will be able to write that paper that hits the spot and that satisfies me to where I won’t change a thing on it. Until then, I will continue to sit at the computer, backspacing every line, and fearing other’s reactions.

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