People Come and People Go

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People come and people go. Sometimes it is hard to let go but there is no since in having someone in your life that does not want to be there. Yet for me letting go was, and still is hard. I have never really let go, just had things torn away from me.



At a young age, I had my brother taken out of my life and following him was my grandparents. I have always thought emotions were better held inside, where no one can see them and you can pretend not to feel them. As the reaction of having my life ripped apart, I had some sort of mental and emotional problems though I would not go to counseling and would not tell my parent's or anyone what was wrong. I kept it all inside and locked away while I wore a smile on my face like everything was perfect, when the truth was inside I was dying, being ripped and shredded apart by my blood thirsty emotions years and years of this crap.

Finally, I met someone that I could trust and believe in, his name is Joel him and I had just started. We were together for four years he seemed to be my whole life. He actually cared and made me happy. Up until the day he had been caught in the wrong place at the wrong time, this resulted in a trip to prison for one whole year. I heard this and I didn't cry, I didn't yell. I just went in my corner in the dark. I sat there while everyone else went on with his or her lives I did work like a lifeless soul, warring my outer coating so no one saw exactly how much I hurt.

While "normal" kids counted down days till the end of school, I counted down days till he got out. Spring Brake and other recesses from school were spent inside my room on my bed doing absolutely nothing. My mom never noticed anything was wrong, friends had said I changed and tried to talk to me about it but I just tuned them out like a radio station I mocked hearing the static. To see me smile was a miracle well within itself. I'd get calls on my cell every Monday and Sunday from Joel. I would put on my happy voice to mask the pain and tell him everything was all right. I would tell him stories about happy and fun things that I did, or as far as he knew, I did them. We'd hang up the phone and I'd just sit there with my phone on ignoring all the calls and texts one day I went to the hospital, I don't remember why or how I had gotten there. However, they had said I had dehydration, I had been starving myself and I had depression. Oh and apparently the voices inside my head weren't suppose to be there yeah so I was crazy and border line insane.

Still, that wasn't a problem they figured a couple pills and some strange person to talk to would make me feel all fuzzy and warm inside! Yeah~ok I can just see the pink bunnies now. Bottom line is I just didn't want to go, I didn't believe in this mumbo jumbo crap. I thought the doctor was crazy, I was perfectly fine, and my voices agreed with me. Well I kinda had a surprise coming to me the counselor told me I had to much stress.

I said, being my smart self; "Well gee no wonder and here I thought it was because of fruit loops."

Well she proceeded to tell me how I had been holding things in from the past, ok I have heard this run of the mill bull crap from the movies. I'm not one of those whinny wimps who does that crap. Well after a few meetings I realized she was right, I slowly let things go so I didn't have to be scared anymore. I had been scared that if I let anyone know how I felt they would get to close and I would begin to care about them. So naturally I shut myself off from the world, and I realized not everyone was going to leave me. A started smiling a little, I'm still working on the whole happiness thing I'm still going to counseling yet I have realized sometimes even though you might not want to you need to talk about things, not necessarily let them go just talk about them so that you can get along with your life.

You don't need people in your life that are going to make you hurt. The worst thing you can do is shut yourself off and cut off everyone because that shows them that they have succeeded in hurting you to their worst potential. Just get back up, brush yourself off, and let them know your ok without them in your life.





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