I wake up every morning planning on looking great, I spend about an hour getting my hair and face finished, and then another 30 minutes picking out my clothes. Getting ready in the morning, I think “Why am I doing this, who am I trying to impress?” There isn’t one special boy in my life right now, and to be honest, I don’t need one. My day consists of flirting with the cute boys all during class, then after class, not seeing or thinking about them, until the next day when I see them again. Occasionally, a boy and I may have strong chemistry, but that only lasts so long. I’ve never had a true relationship.
Once in my life, I thought I loved someone, but I wasn’t even dating him, he was happily in love with someone else. I waited all summer long to be with Trey, because I knew I would get my chance with him. I had dated Trey before, the previous summer, that summer was the most amazing summer I’ve ever had. When I started liking his friend Kyler, things started getting bad. Dad warned me that falling for a boyfriend’s friend would just get me in a mess. My family and I are very close; I tell all of them almost everything in my life. Ignoring my father’s advice, I ended up with Kyler, for about a week things were going, but nothing significant. When school started up, neither one of them acknowledged me, I moved on. When I’m not in a relationship, all I can think about is how much I want to be in one, and when I’m in one, all I can think about are ways to get out.
I met this boy at work, living one day at a time. He wasn’t attractive to me at first, but then he started talking, we had so much in common, except for the fact that he loved family force five, I can’t stand them. We talked for a few hours and he asked for my number, this guy seemed cool and I couldn’t wait to see him again. I went to bed that night constantly thinking about Austin, but the next morning I came to my senses. I did not want a boyfriend. Life was going too perfect, I had one guy who liked the same music I liked, I would hang out with him when I was in the mood for tunes. Then I had another to have fun with, I have to say he’s my favorite. And then I had one more for “show,” just to make it seem like I had a life every Saturday night. So you see why I had to get rid of Austin, I didn’t need another to ad to my collection.
He called and asked if I would meet him up at park, to talk about the whole “us” situation. I went up there and told him this, “The smell of vanilla scented trash bags and the satisfaction of winding the cord of a vacuum cleaner into a perfect tendril is enough keep a smile on my face, and make my day exceptionally congenial.” That should scare him off; he’ll think I’m a freak. To my surprise he went in for a kiss! I dodged it, jerking my face back and pointing,
“Is that a raccoon?! Whoa, nope, just missed it.” Smooth. I needed to tell him the truth now; I broke it to him easy. The heartbreaking was over, I pulled out of the parking spot, faking the whole “I’m so sorry this didn’t work out” deal and starting driving away. I glanced in my rear view and noticed that he was following me; I rolled down my window and shouted “Go HOME!” I know that sounded mean, but we had only known each other for a day, he’ll get over it. He yelled back “NO! I will not let you go!!” Okay, this guy was crazy. I didn’t know what to do, I just drove around in circles and kept telling him how weird he acted about this situation, until finally he gave up and slammed on his gas and took off. I couldn’t have been more thrilled. The next day he called me about 50 times, I didn’t pick up once. My friend answered and told him that he was scaring everyone and that he should just let go already. I hadn’t heard from him for a week. But then he called. I answered and let him do all the talking. For about 1 minute he said “what’s up,” I don’t know why he was talking so slow, but I told him I was busy and that’s the last I heard of him.
The next boy in my life was Zack, he was quiet, but I always thought we had some connection. I initiated the conversation, we started talking all the time, and then we began dating, it took awhile for him to open up, but eventually he began getting comfortable. But after awhile I realized he wasn’t what I was looking for, I needed someone I could talk to and someone who would actually want to talk to me. That ship sailed.
Blind dates are the most exciting thing for me, my friend’s date decided to hook me up with on of his buddies, I’ve never heard of him so I looked him up in the yearbook, He looked like a keeper. We drove to the movies in the same car, a beat up Tacoma; it was really fun, we all clicked. During the movie John and I could not stop talking, and he didn’t even ask for a goodnight kiss, just a sweet hug. He called me as soon as he got home from our date, as asked me to his girlfriend. I was ecstatic. We were the perfect couple, I could tell him anything and he would do the same. My friend and I both had boyfriends at the same time so we went on countless double dates, I had no reason to stop liking the position I was in. But then I got this feeling, it was time to be done with John. I did all the talking.
I was alone for awhile now, back to the old routine, back to the collection of boys. It wasn’t the same though, it was like they all knew about my commitment problem and didn’t want to get involved with a girl like me. They were right, to like me would be pointless because in a few days, I would be completely over you and have been moved on to the next contestant. I’m a horrible person, I felt like I was just using everyone, but really they weren’t being used for anything, I couldn’t help not feeling the sparks between them and me. I started getting that redemption feeling again, I longed for a boyfriend, but I know it wouldn’t go anywhere as long as I couldn’t get over my fear.
Everyone was all ‘lovey’ around me , I was the only hopeless person walking down the halls with no hand to hold, even though the thought of holding someone’s dirty, germy, sweaty hand didn’t appeal to me, I was fed up of being afraid to be with someone. I worked it for a couple of days, hoping for a chance to be a girlfriend again.
Then my friend Max came along. I never really thought of him as a potential boyfriend, but he was always there for me. I had a blast with him wherever we ended up going; I convinced myself that I was falling for him. Until I met Jessica, max’s new girlfriend. I went home and cried my eyes out, I was going to be alone forever I thought. While I was crying, my mom came upstairs to give me the “what are you going to do with your life” talk. That made everything worse. I didn’t know what I wanted to do in life, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to get married, I was destined for living with the rents for the rest of my life getting addicted to computer games and dying from playing them too much.
I was living a pathetic life. But that was then. I heard a country song that said “the days go by” and he was exactly right. Days do go by, so fast, it was definitely time to get over everything and live.
Now I’m back to having cute boys to flirt with, even though I have a special one in mind right now. I’m not sure if anything will develop, but I’m letting everything just slide into place when it wants too. When I get up in the mornings, I’m getting ready for him.