I write a lot about my unfortunate past and sometimes it may seem that I wallow in it and seem to be unable to let it go. However that is not the case at all. Yes I write about my past a lot but that’s all because one day I wrote and page about it and afterwards I felt so much better. I had discovered early in my life that I loved to write stories, I was really good at writing fictional stories, or so I was told by teachers. Ever since I was in third grade I liked to write stories.

In school I wasn’t really good at writing papers that had to be multiple pages about a certain topic; however I was really good at writing fictional stories that could be about whatever I wanted. When I came out to the ranch I was introduced to the counselor that always comes out to talk to the guys that come out to the ranch. His name is Ron, I started to talk to him in the basement and I had told him about the rough life I had. After our hour long session he asked me, “What do you like to do, what are your hobbies?” and I had told him, “I don’t know. I guess I like to build wooden models and stuff like that.” And he said, “Okay, well do you like to write?” I shrugged my shoulders, “I don’t know I guess I like to write fictional stories and comic strips and stuff.” He nodded his head, “okay well what I want you to do is write your feelings down and either show them to Jim and Cathy or you can through it in the fire.” I never did that. I never wrote my feelings down because felt that that was stupid at that time I thought I had everything figured out. I didn’t think that I needed help in dealing with my emotions. It wasn’t until later that I figured out that I didn’t have a very tight hold on my emotions. I was very emotionally compromised and I would freak at the drop of a hat and there was no coming back.

Eventually I did write my feelings down on a piece of paper, it wasn’t done the way Ron had told me, nor was it even done on purpose. Now I know you’re asking, “How do you accidently write your feelings down?” well I was actually going to write a fictional story about a kid with the same problems that I had and was going through and how he was going to deal with his problems. However as I was sitting at my desk in my room writing this story I just started writing and my pencil was just writing words on the paper and my brain was just in the pencil just pouring out and that fiction story turned into the story of my life and the character, whose name was going to be Chase, turned out not have a name, he didn’t need one everyone knew I was the character in that story was me. Ron also knew that I was the character in that story was me and they knew the story was true. And I told them that the story was supposed to be a fictional story and they thought it was funny that a story that was supposed to be fiction turned out to be a true story about my life.

I then told them, “I thought Ron was crazy when he told me to write down my feelings, but now that I did I honestly feel better now that I did.” Then Kerry said, “Well that’s good.” And Dave added to that and said, “He not so crazy is he? He really knows what he’s doing doesn’t he?” and I answered with and smile and slight laugh, “yeah, he does.” I don’t remember the story word for word but I remember most of it. It went like this:

There once was a boy that has had a very rough life. He had been physically and verbally abused for most of his life. Due to this he has very low self-esteem, he walks with his head down all the time. He has kept his bitterness and hatred held in for most of and he also very emotionally compromised. He wasn’t ever able to tell anyone about his abuse but one day he was finally set free from it all and since then he has had problems with, smoking, stealing his parents’ cigarettes, lying, deceiving, and he would break down at the drop of a hat. So one day he decided he needed help and his parents defiantly agreed and he moved out the, “Miracles Can Happen Boy’s Ranch”. At first when he got out there he thought it was the stupidest thing on the face of this earth and always thought to himself, “I’m never going to change, I don’t need to change. I don’t have any problem I’m just fine. These people here are stupid they don’t know what they’re doing.” And then after living there for a while things started to change and he felt different and found out this place does help people and the people there do know what they are doing they aren’t so stupid after all. And one day during church he decided to listen to what the pastor had to say and realized that he knows exactly what he’s talking about too. He started going to youth after a while and listened to what the youth pastor had to say. And after going for a couple of weeks he was so moved that one night before going to bed he prayed on his own for the very first time ever, (and actually meaning it). It was there that he found God and got saved after about 6 months of living out at the ranch. Not only was he saved but he also learned to walk with his head held high, and to speak with confidence and not arrogance.