This Dark

October 3, 2007
By Andy Schwegman, Marysville, OH

As this dark consumes me taking me in inch-by-inch wanting me to suffer so I can watch myself parish.

This dark making it hard to breathe my legs stuck in concrete I’m stuck for eternity not to move not to scream for help.

This dark fills my mouth not letting me speak, oh how I wish I could say goodbye to the people I loved oh how I wish I could turn all my mistakes around especially for you, I wish I could explain everything to you, chance after chance I get I screw up shut down not let you into my life. I wish you were in my life my whole life not the half part of me I show and let you get to know. You think you know me but no one does. I shut down and keep myself hidden when things hurt the most, I’m to scared to confront you about the things that bother me, I take these pills that make a false person someone whom I wish I could b all the time but when they wear off I’m lost don’t know what do to, everything flowing through my veins my mind like a wildfire constantly spreading. Days like today are rare when I’m alone and the meds wear off and I sit and listen to this music filling my mind with thoughts.

This dark consumes my soul making me a person of the past, a dark image. I am this dark, this dark is my disease my mind that cannot be controlled this dark is killing me; I cannot fight the dark for much longer, hoping for my casket to close night after night. Death is something I cannot do to myself but yet wish it upon myself. Who would of thought at age 16 I would b like this, I’ve had these feelings for more than 3 years but now I confront them and talk about them.

This dark is something I have grown accustom to, this dark is the deep side in me the passions I cannot hide sometimes it can turn into love or lust but it mostly destroys me on the inside.

This dark shows me the light at the end of the tunnel but won’t let me move, keeps me with it not letting me escape. This dark is cruel teasing me with my fate one day being there all day, one day I’m full of life one day full of joy, and now today this dark kicks me while down this dark grabs a hold of me not letting me surpass it.

This dark is me, I am this dark, this dark was created inside of me, and this dark is my brilliance.

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