How To Be Assertive With A Mean Boyfriend You Love/Five Tips For Mean Boyfriends Who Intend To Keep

July 26, 2008
By Jana Reede, Phoenix, AZ

My Love,

Right now, I have nobody. Nobody to tell me that everything is going to be okay, that there’s plenty of fish who’d be more than willing to treat me right, respect me, appreciate me, and love me. If I did, I’d probably have the courage to move on. Your words hurt that bad. Congratulations; Jana’s fire has officially been put out. You’re free. Do whatever you want and, quite likely, the most she’ll do is cry and contemplate suicide.

So, my confidence has deceased and my dignity is hiding from me. Usually, I’d be willing to make such sacrifices believing in love, the ends, to outweigh the means. But in the gaping hole, where love used to be, are disrespect, tears, bloody knuckles, and bloody stains on the wall.

By the way, when I mentioned above that my fire had been officially put out, I exaggerated a little. I have one flicker stored for nights like these, when your words and carelessness cut this deep. I’m going to preserve this remaining bit of Jana-flame with everything I have because it’s the only thing you haven’t taken away. It’s sacred. Now, the way I see it, there are two ways of going about my personal Mission of Preservation. Make your choice:
The Easy Way; I leave you and never look back. Sincerely, Jana
The Hard Way; I stay with you and you learn 5 new tricks listed below loud and clear.

Respectfulness. This means no more calling me names or talking to me in a rude manner. If you don’t have something nice to say, I’m out of here.

Attentiveness. Listen when I talk. Simple. No random, selfish interruptions, please. With the way you’ve been treating me lately, you’ll be lucky to hear my voice at all so listen hard while you can.

Appreciativeness. Don’t fight with me about the past. It’s useless and consumes precious time and energy. Be happy you’re with me now, in the present, because if you don’t, you’ll only end up losing me.

Politeness. QUIT BURPING ON THE FONE. It drives me crazy but if you must, at least excuse yourself, barbarian. I’m a lady so treat me like one. It would be awfully nice if you could ring the doorbell instead of honk the horn and open the door once in a while. These things mean a lot more to me than you would ever think. If you want to be “the man” in a relationship with Jana, then get used to it, babe.

Thoughtfulness. No, I don’t mean go out and buy me a dozen orange roses (although that would make my month), but with you being so busy with work, some kind of trinket to remind me that you’re still alive would save me quite a bit of loneliness. Perhaps a note. Hell, even a Post-It saying “HI” on it would do the trick. How about, gee I don’t know, maybe A PHONE CALL ONCE IN A WHILE, if that’s not too much to ask for.

These five simple character adjustments combined will make for one happy Jana. In return, maybe you’ll see a little less of my sarcasm! Always remember: If you can’t take the heat, get out of my life.

Love Always,

The author's comments:
I wrote this to my boyfriend. It worked. I want to dedicate this letter to all the mean boyfriends of the world and I hope it inspires their boy or girlfriends to stick up for themselves.

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