I don't want to admit that I need her

June 11, 2008
By Kaila Richardson, Durham, CA

So I have to admit, I'm a little confused right now. My step mom left my family about 6 months ago. I don't know the details, but evidentially my dad and her just couldn't agree on how to parent and stressed each other out.
The day she left, I remember waking up to my father yelling at her and hearing her scream back. I figured it wasn't anything big, I thought my step mom was still complaining to my dad about the fight her and I got into the previous night. I walked to my kitchen to get cinnamon life and orange juice. On my way to the couch to turn the tv on, I noticed my step mom's stocking was missing from it's hook above the skinny 4 foot Christmas tree.
This was odd, so I walked outside to see what was up. I saw my step mom's silver CRV skid out of our rock driveway filled with crap in the backseat.
My dad came over to where I was standing, "she's gone" he said as I could see a tear roll down his cheek. I embraced him with a hug and at that moment I couldn't even think about my step mom, I was just worried that my dad would get lonely.
Once a couple of weeks had passed by and I had to take the new "housekeeper" roll I was starting to get mad and blamed it on my step mom. I was getting more and more pissed with her as the days went on. "I hate her", "she's ruing my childhood", and "I never want to see her again", I would tell people, including my dad.
Now, it has been half a year and I haven't heard a single word from her, but my dad visits her in her apartment 20 miles away almost twice a day. We don't talk much about her because we just end up getting in fights since my dad wants her back, and I want her out of here.
But here's where I am having a problem, just when I thought I was over her, I start missing her. Lately, I really have been missing her and I think my dad is extremely lonely without her. So why hasn't she moved back in?
Well, first of all I haven't told my dad that I miss her. Secondly, we really didn't get along very well since she hasn't exactly known how to parent me ever since I was little. And lastly, I am too scared of getting hurt. What if she did come back and did this again? It's been hard getting used to housekeeper at 13 role and I would hate to have to go back to it again. So please can anyone help me, What should I do?

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