It was almost three in the morning. I was situated on the couch with my blankets and pillows watching some late night television. Everyone in my family had gone to bed and I was up alone. Being by myself did not bother me. In life in general I was accustomed to doing things by myself. I have three older sisters and the one closest in age to me is five years my senior. When I was at the stage of playing with Barbie dolls, she was too old, so I often played by myself. I had plenty of friends to play with, but because of the large age differences between my sisters and I, at home, I was basically an only child. The funny thing is, that fact never bothered me. I loved doing things on my own. I loved to stay home by myself and watch the television I wanted to and eat what I wanted to and just basically do what I wanted to. So being up late by myself never scared me. I guess that night I just felt in my typical element. It is crazy how all that comfort with being by yourself gets thrown out the window after one little incident.

I was in an awesome mood that night. I had been watching some show that made me laugh and I felt great. Until…I started hearing a strange noise…and realized…the doorknob of my front door was jerking back and forth. My eyes locked on the doorknob and my entire body felt like it had been thrown into freezing water. The doorknob moved again. Someone was trying to get into my house! I literally could not move. My heart was beating faster and faster and my hands began to sweat. I looked around frantically. I had nothing to defend myself! Nothing! If someone came into the house and tried to hurt me or rob the house or do something terrible I could not do a damn thing! All I had was a pillow in my lap and what was I going to do with a pillow? Beat them over the head with it? A lot of good that would do! I had no idea what to do. My mind was racing. I could call the police but I did not know if it was for sure a burglar or a criminal. I realized my sisters could be trying to get in after a late night…but they always had a key. I wanted to cry. Really I did and I was almost there. I wanted to tell my mom so she could fix everything but I had to go upstairs to get to her…and I had to go past the front door to get up the stairs. I know this sounds strange…but I really thought…I might be about to die. I considered what it would feel like and how bad life would be ending right then. I think that is part of the reason I decided to just race up the stairs as fast as I could…because I decided if I was going to die…I was going to die fighting. So that is what I did. I raced up the stairs to my mom’s room and frantically asked her if all my sisters were in the house. She asked why and I told her because I thought someone was trying to break into our house. She quickly got up and checked my sister’s rooms. They were all in bed asleep. My mom took me into my room and we looked out my bedroom window, which is right above the front door. We saw an Asian couple with carry out containers and a little blonde woman groping at the doorknob of my front door. My mom opened the upstairs window and called down to the people. The little blonde woman was slurring her words and stumbling around. She was obviously drunk. Turns out the little blonde woman thought my house was her friend’s house down the street. She told us they looked so similar. They definitely do not.

As stupid as that whole experience sounds. It was not and do not ever tell me it was. Because that experience with the doorknob literally changed my life. I have never been the same since. I am scared to stay up alone and be by myself now. Ask any of my friends or family. I am one of the most paranoid people you will ever meet. When I am home alone at night, I often carry a bat and phone around with me. Do I honestly think if someone tried to hurt me that having that bat with me would save me? No, not really but having something to protect me makes me feel better. I do not remember how long ago this happened. I think I have gotten better though, a little less paranoid every year. But I know how I feel about things will never be the same. Sometimes I just wish I could go back and erase that night, but I can’t.