The Definition of Fake

December 14, 2007
By Tamra James, Tucson, AZ

Suddenly I got the chills and noticed my lower left back was burning.
“God damn it,” I said while rubbing the patch on my back that was now totally raw skin. He looked at me with his dark, almost black eyes and said
“What darling?”
“I got a grass burn I guess, it stings.”
“Aw poor baby,” He coos, Talking to me like mother speaks to her newborn; soft and with much love intended.
He’s a singer, he loves to sing. And he has a beautiful voice it’s so beautiful that I become speechless when I hear it. That sounds really cheesy but it’s only the truth. He truly makes me melt inside. This is why I don’t feel worthy of his time, this is why I can’t handle it.
I’m all screwed up. Mainly because I met this boy only 3 weeks ago and I feel like I’ve known him forever and he’s already my boyfriend. He makes it seem that way too. We talk everyday about anything and he treats me like a princess. I can’t stand my feelings for him because I know it’s not love but it feels a lot like it. Maybe I’m just scared. Maybe I’m just faking all these feelings.
I watch him slowly slip on his shoes over is non-matching white and black socks. He then gets up and extends out his arms to help me up.
“Why are you so tired?” He asks
“What was that like..”
He cuts me off “Oh no no no you just seem out of it.”
“Oh ha well I can’t stop thinking about how I left my keys in my unlocked car.”
“Oh let’s just go back then.”

He grabs my hand and we start strolling. His hands are like ice and his voice is even colder. I hear him rambling about how perfect we are for each other. How he wants me and only me and how perfect even our bodies for each other. He says how amazing, unique, and gorgeous I am. He goes on and on about everything a teenage girl could ever wish to hear from their knight in shining armor. He goes on and on but I don’t process his words I just subconsciously listen. Our hands are still in tight lock and I feel like were floating across this clean cut golf course grass. My mind is somewhat numb because I don’t want to think before I speak because I’ll never get it out. He finally stops dead and turns to me.
“What’s wrong?”
He has a little smirk on his face as if he’s almost kidding, but his voice his firm so I think he’s possibly concerned. Wow. What am I doing? Sh**, don’t think. I blankly stare at his perfect structured face, but at the same time study it more than ever right now. His eyes are deep and dark and they’re furiously waiting for an answer from me. His lips are thin, curled in, as if he’s trying to keep something in. He has a big crooked nose from a break but it’s simply adorable and fits the rest of his sharp features. Aw his black straw-like hair looks so soft I want to touch it but obviously hold back at this moment. Ok must stop.
“It’s not you it’s me…” I begin with a huff of hot breath. I look up and his smile has faded.
“I..I…I can’t do this. I don’t know what it is but I have the craziest feelings about you. I can’t keep seeing you though that’s all I know, at least for now.”
He’s shocked and utterly confused I can definitely tell.
“I swear it’s not you, you’re truly an amazing boy, I’m just, I’m just..”
“I don’t understand. We’ve been so happy together these past few weeks and I know it’s only been a few weeks but I feel like I’ve known you forever.”
He’s face is really intense and I honestly do not know what to say to him. I just turn and keep walking. He doesn’t make a move to chase me or shout anything. He just watches me walk to my car and get in, at this point I’m started to sniffle and hold back from crying. He finally runs up to my car as I’m about to start the ignition and yells, “Wait!”
I roll down my window, still fighting tears and waiting for him to speak.
“What can I do to prove to you how much you mean to me? I’ve never met a girl like you. I have the strongest feelings for you and I feel like I could touch the sky with you. Don’t you feel the same?? You seem like you have! I don’t get it I don’t get you!” I can see him struggling to get out his emotions.
“ I don’t get myself either.” I shakily reply.
“What does that mean! I’ll help you understand I want to show you what it’s like to be alive! I just want you so bad and I was so happy until now I don’t know what I’m going to do without you!”

I stare at him, feel like dying, whisper “I’m so sorry”, and roll up my window, turn on the car, and put it in reverse. He stands there until the next morning. When I drove by that spot he was sitting there on a rock near the road. What have I done.

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