A Corner of My Heart

May 6, 2008
By Thapasya Thomas, New Hyde Park, NY

Is it love? Is it a crush? Whatever it is called, I‘m in it. Love makes me crazy. But I never really thought about it. I’m really lost. When we both stare into each other’s eyes, I feel like the prom queen. I envision my prince and me, dancing in the spotlight, having our special moment. When I see him, my stomach goes all crazy, and I never know what to say. But, does he love me?
I am twelve years old and looking for love. I could be the lucky one who falls in love first. But it isn’t really about falling in love; it was about being loved.
He was not ideal, but he was my best friend. He was like any other pre-teenager. He was tall, had pimples, and wore glasses. I opened up to him the most. He was my human diary. And then it happened!
It was the Sunday before Christmas. Normally, I would attend the service, socialize, and go home. But then when I was talking to my girlfriends, HE walked over. Normally, I would say “hi” and ask him questions I really didn’t care about. And that would be that. But that day I was so nervous, I just stared deeply into his warm dark chocolate eyes. It was like taking a glimpse of an angel in heaven. How can I be in love with my best friend? He is so polite to me. He cares for me. He is liked a customized boyfriend. The next day we hung out. I looked at him. I said nothing. But as we began to speak, I saw a whole new person I had never met before.
I looked forward to going to church for Christmas Eve because he would be there. Before the service started, I was hesitantly talking to my friends, hoping he would come and ask me to go to the party afterwards. “Wow, Tappi, you’re dressed really nice,” commented one girl.
“She is just trying to impress him,” said another one.
“I think he is charming,” whispered my best friend.
“Hey, back off,” I hollered defensively. I was traumatized. How could I have revealed so much? Eventually I told them everything. I explained how I hoped that he had affection for me, just as I had for him.
The party was one of the most exciting times of my life. When I saw he was finally alone, I went over to him. I said absolutely nothing. Then he turned around and simply asked, “Tappi, you want to be my girlfriend?” I couldn’t say anything. I was thinking is this really happening or is it a joke, but I said yes anyway. I told him how I really felt, and it all worked out. For a while that is.
That was one of the best weeks I have ever experienced. Just as I suspected, love did not last for me. He broke up with me and that was the end of that. One year later, I am finally opening up and really expressing how I felt. All the girls would ask me if I was all right, and now I can say I am. As much as it hurt, I got over it. But I always think about what could have happened. In the little corner of my heart, there is always a little spot just for him.

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