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Goodbye, Best Friend.

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“You’re moving?” My voice cracked as I mustered out the only words that I could think of. “Yeah, at the end of this week.” My mind just kind of went blank. “Dj, that is at the end of this week.” The silence over the phone line was piercing. Being best friends since freshman year, all those hour-long conversations, they were never filled with this awkward silence. This silence was annoying, irritating, and it hung like a cloud through the phone lines. It squeezes its way through the lines desperately trying to get to me, and it does. You have been there for me through every up and down since February 26th 2007. You became my other half, you knew everything, every single thing that there is to know about me. You still loved me, even with all of this information. We have this bond that I cant even explain! Its like we don’t give a shit about what other people think about us, we could actually LIVE together! We could be free with one another; we could enjoy this crazy, messed up world with one another. We could make jokes (to and about one another) and these jokes could turn any horrible situation into gold. You were the one person who pissed me off the most, and the one person who made me smile the most, you made me the happiest. I never thought that you would be leaving me, especially to some stupid state such as Indiana.

I don’t like admitting all of this, but it just kind of flows out of my body. It makes me feel so weak and vulnerable. We shared so much, and I can’t picture my life without you. Its weird to think about, you wont be there to walk me to my next class, and you wont be there to make me crack up from the beginning of third hour all the way until the dismissal bell rings. I know this is so cliché, the whole, “you are like my other half, and my life without you is nothing.” But they are the only phrases that seem to gather all of my emotions and put them into words. Right now the only thing that is keeping us connected is the long distance phone calls.

When you came over to hang out with me for the last time I didn’t even know what to do! Like do I talk about all the amazing past times that we shared? Do I keep quiet about the whole moving five hours away and possibly never seeing me again thing? Do I pour out all of my emotions onto your lap and hope for the best? I was just clueless. My heart drops right on the cement steps that I was sitting on waiting for you, as I see you walk up my drive way. We act like everything is normal, like it’s just another day, we don’t even act like it’s the last time we will be able to hang out. We march up the stairs into my small lavender bedroom, we make jokes about how it is always clean and we discuss how Fall Out Boy has become a lame band. Then our eyes meet. My overly sized big brown eyes flood with tears, bitter salty sad tears. I look into the eyes of the one boy who never let me fall, who never let me get out of line for too long. Your deep blue, crystal clear eyes slice open my heart. All of the sudden I turn into a giant ball of sobs and I run for the place I turned to so many times before, your not so muscular arms. You knew I was going to cry, because you could see my face fall apart. It starts with my skin; it burns bright red, then my upper lip quivers and shakes like a little child trying to ride their bike for the first time. It all ends when my long dainty hands run through my hair. My head swarms with all these thoughts and anxieties, I am so scared. Scared for you to leave me, scared that I will push you away, scared for so many reasons. My legs feel like jell-o, and my heart is broken, Im a complete mess. Your warm arms pull me into your chest, and I can smell your ever so familiar scent. You smell like never ending summer nights and car rides to go get ice cream. You smell like awkward dinner conversations with your parents, and green kool-aid, you smell like me. I stay placed on you for a long time; I cant even bare to look at you. My best friend is leaving in four days, wow. When you call my name, I get every muscle in my body to get an adequate amount of strength to roll over and look at you face to face. You are crying. You tell me that you will miss me, and that I was the only friend who ever stuck by your side. You tell me that I will be fine without you, and that you will be fine in Indiana. You tell me that you will call me whenever you can, and that Im welcome to call you. I didn’t want to hear any of that, none of it. I wanted to hear you tell me that you’re not leaving, and that it’s just some big joke.

Fifteen minutes passed by of that same annoying silence, and finally you wipe your eyes, and grab my face and say the words, “I love you.” I felt a cool, comforting feeling surge through my body. I finally stopped sobbing. “I love you too Dj.” It was the first time I have ever said it, and meant it.





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