it all falls apart

May 24, 2008
By chloe wells, Park Ridge, IL

It All Falls Apart

Chloe Wells

Three in the morning and the fighting still goes on, since lunch, the constant screaming and yelling at each other, it’s all falling apart. Nothing is like it used to be, what ever happened to love? That is why you get married right? You’re in love, and you always will be. I guess my parents are the one exception to that rule.

It all started in the beginning, after I was born, I have always remembered my mom tucking me in and crying us both to sleep. She would say “ What have I done, this is not what I wanted…. not what I asked for.” That is what I heard every night for years, I just grew up thinking that love and marriage was all fighting and swearing and throwing. My father would constantly call my mom mean names, names I had been taught to never say, and he would make my mother cry until she couldn’t breath. This is what I was subject to and unfortunately it was normal for me, the first five years that was all I knew. I was never to say anything to anyone about my parents fighting, and my God I didn’t. My dad is an extremely tall, slender man. He is about 6’3”, with long legs, a gaunt face and one hell of a temper. He scared me so bad, to the point of not telling anyone anything that happened when I came home. I was afraid of him and I saw what happened to my mom when she disobeyed him, so, like hell I would make the same mistake. It really wasn’t fair on my mom’s part; she’s so much smaller than him. She’s only 5’3”, beautiful brown hair and brown eyes and very petite, in a way defenseless, she is too nice to say or do anything, she is the nicest woman I have ever met. I’m sure she was as scared of him as I was.

When I was about five I really couldn’t understand why my mom made my dad leave, I thought that they were happy, besides the yelling, they seemed happy. It was all very strange to me, for once in my life I didnt have to hear the yelling and most of all I didn’t have my mom crying herself to sleep beside me. I got used to it, liked it even. It was nice, the quiet and the peacefulness that I felt. I was no longer scared. I also loved the fact that when my mom went to work I didn’t have to stay with my dad all day; I got to stay with my grandma. My grandma has and always will be my favorite person, second to my mother; she is so much fun and so kind-hearted. My grandma is a great little Italian woman from Torino, she has a brother back home that I used to go and visit. She is about the same size as my mom, but skinnier. She has the greatest Italian accent I have ever heard. When I got older I used to pretend that I had the same accent, but when I mastered it and showed her she was not happy. My mom told me that she doesn’t like the accent; she feels that it makes her too different, so I had to stop. We would spend the day together, it was the most fun I have ever had and I miss it so much. Then my mom came home and my grandma would leave. To be honest I actually started to miss my dad, I wondered when he would be back. One day I asked my mom when daddy would be back, she just smiled and said “dear, daddy’s not coming back, me and your daddy have decided to get a divorce, you will live here with me, and daddy will visit us twice a week.” Man, I was so shocked, I didn’t even know what a divorce meant, and I thought that my daddy had left forever and that he didn’t love mommy or me any more. Slowly, my life fell apart.

Just like my mom said my dad came around, each week it got fewer and fewer, but at least he was in my life. Then one morning my mom got me all dressed up and told me I had to be on my best behavior, I was going to go and talk to a judge. So I put on my prettiest dress and I walked to the car. We got to the judge and guess who was there? My dad! I was so excited at the moment, I loved seeing him. Then the judge came out and was asking me some strange questions. He would ask me “ How is your dad when you are together? And what happened when my mom and dad were living together.” It was so silly I thought. So me at the age of 5 told the man in the black robe what happened at home, my parents had always taught me to be honest so I was. Then I looked over at my dad, he seemed to be getting steadily more mad as I kept telling the big man what I lived with, and I was so sad and lost. Why was my daddy so mad about me being honest? The judge sat in his chair for a long time, thinking I guess. Finally he says in a loud manly voice “ I believe that in the best interests of the little girl, she will remain living with her mother. Her biological father will have joint custody and will have full visitation rights.” My mom cried and my dad just stared off at the wall and looked so mad. Then the big judge turned in his chair and asks me “ I have a very important question for you, would you like your last name to still be the same?” I just sat there and thought ‘well that’s a strange question to ask me’ I finally said “yes.” I was to forever be a Wells.

That was the most intimidating day of my life; it was so hard to see my dad so mad and my mom crying again. My parents used to be fine with each other and my dad would take me for the weekend. They actually would talk and have conversations; it was not so bad, I thought. As I got older he seemed to come around less and less, finally we settled on Sundays during the week. That has been my life for the last 10 years. I used to think that my life would never be like it should. That it had all fallen apart, and I could not ever put it back together. I hated my dad for a while for who he had been and the things that he did. It was all good between the two of them, my mom got re-married and so did my dad. Everyone was happy, and then one day when he came to pick me up, my mom refused to come to the door, they haven’t talked since. I wish I knew what had made them stop talking but I guess I’ll never know. In a way I’m ok with them being that way. So even though I don’t have the ideal family, i'm okay with it and I don’t really think of my life as one day just falling apart anymore.

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