It's Not Stalking, It's Just Facebook

June 7, 2012
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This website that glorifies stalking, Facebook, is a phenomenon in our generation. Everyone has one, everyone talks about it, and everyone loves it. It is by far my favorite website. It’s so useful and not creepy at all and a great use of everyone’s time. But here are four reasons why I’m not jumping up and down for joy when people say the word ‘Facebook.’

Friends. Who is actually personally friends with all of their so-called ‘friends’ on Facebook? I know I wasn’t. Some were people my friends knew. Others were people I met once, while a fair amount I knew and had many conversations with in school. And then five were actually my friends. That might be exaggerated a bit (because hopefully I have more than five friends) but my point is who exactly is true friends with all thousand plus friends they have on Facebook? We feel the need to share everything with almost strangers. Do these ‘friends’ actually care what’s going on in your life or are they just bored reading your life like People magazine?

Statuses. I think I must not understand the point of Facebook statuses, but let me try to sum it up in one sentence. Facebook statuses allow the person to inform their ‘friends’ of subjects that are important to them. It may also be defined as pointless information a person posts because they think it’s funnier than SNL and Comedy Central put together and they know, I repeat know, they will get ten ‘likes’ or more. Let’s be real, who posts a status they think someone won’t ‘like’? Because that’s the goal right? The more ‘likes’ you get the more popular you are and people think you’re so funny even though in real life you don’t have three hours to come up with the perfect sentence to say in class to make everyone laugh. And if you do have three hours to spare, you probably aren’t doing too well in school.

Relationship Statuses. “Let’s make it official” is probably the number one phrase dreaded by the no committing type. So why don’t we add a little more pressure by saying, “Let’s make it Facebook official” aka “Let’s tell the whole world on the internet that you can’t date anyone else but me because a website says so.” Enough said.

Pictures. My favorites are the ones of the girl holding the camera in the mirror. Priceless. Such a good quality picture, let’s make it our profile. Other lovely albums may include other pointless photos many people don’t value except you and your grandmother who would like you even if you lacked teeth. Have you ever walked into someone’s home and they began to show you a photo album of their last vacation? You felt obliged to sit, look, and listen, but in your head you were thinking, “When will this torture end?” Some pictures are better left for your own personal nostalgia.

Facebook is interesting to say the least. It is an easy way to legally stalk your friends plus more. Why do people feel the necessity to make everything in their lives so public? Where is the mystery anymore? There are positives to everything, but I’m not sure if Mark Zuckerburg has designed enough.

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